Tuesday, July 21, 2009

Flashback

Tuesday, July 21, 2009
Flashback not too badly, but quite scary. Pretty sleepy though.. less sleep last night, It is really hard for me to be here, a daily routine; it is really riddled with a lot of triggers and memories to tell on my daily journal. I was flooded with a flashback.... just bam, again I’m afraid that it will happen again. I’ve been having a lot of those scary thought since June till this time, right here... flooding; and nonstop. It is a bit too much.
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BAM flashback; image pops in your head; and memories and sensations. It is horrible. And almost impossible to predict and prevent. Just like the nightmares; then you get afraid, actually even you want to go to sleep you will feel your fear. You can be exhausted as all hell but still you will be afraid to go to sleep to fear of what you will see in your dream.
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I dont know what i want to do; go somewhere else, but where? just trying to think in a different way. but this is my place, nowhere to go around. Still I haven’t figure it out what should I do to myself, just worked and let the time passed, and don’t think, I can’t do anything, just Poor things; so mean as far as im concerned. and only so much i can do alone! But I just have my decision to make before my life’s end, so that if i am going there, i can set things up.
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No matter where i am, i want I have been straight in my life. I have always wanted one so i can sit out and look at the stars and drink my tea..... I know life was rough road and a lot of things will happen. I am not feel safe....
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I Cant wait to run for tomorrow; as much as i like to work out with my mood every day, and take on the new things in life, i hate when I felt hopeless coz I know I am deserve to be happy. The last month has been chaos....if u gonna do it do it otherwise dont bother i say!I miss, i miss that we used to be so close that when i had a bad dream, i could hug, kiss and she would talk to me and fall asleep with me.
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It is so sad when you were once so close and now not at all. I wish I could go back in time and stop right there… i still miss the old baby i was used to chat everyday... flashback..
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My mood: 7.0/10

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