still sticking up into my dreams

day 268

The cloudy day woke me up. I lay with my arms across my eyes, groggy and dazed. Something, a dream trying to be remembered, struggled to break into my consciousness. I moaned and rolled on my side, hoping more sleep would come and then the previous day flooded back into my awareness. I don’t want to remembered those last few days fight, it still sticking up into my dreams.

i hope today is a pleasant one for me. And I still find myself feeling a little sleepy but still here and rearing to play. however, Now I'm ignoring all those upsetting thoughts from the last few days. It’s Not good to look back at it. anyway, I've been pretty tired for playing basketball, and I think it's because I made myself so busy, I've been having really strange dreams at night. Maybe I'll go to bed early tonight, if at all possible.

my mood: 4.6/10

I feel alone tonight

day 267

I just arrived from the basketball practice. I'm tired and I am wet, i went to the closet and grab some dry towel to wipe out the skin moisture at my arms and body. Then I sat and rest for a while in front of my laptop… while I am sitting here my fingers started to type at the keyboard I don’t know where it will go…

I feel alone tonight… I am always alone… I asked who do i turn to when no one is there? no one besides me…? who do you lean on when a shoulder does not exist?

I always keep thinking… I overused my mind I guess… I never learned from my past experience.. like other people says in a comment… and turns out for me a negative feedback when i read it… anyway guys thanks for the comment although its quite painful but I know it was for me to move forward.

However, sometimes some comments I over analyzing it and then self hate and then I started to blame myself for the lack of a social life that i do not have.

I guess I am stuck with my shadow from the past.

my mood: 5.7/10.

start a new day

day 266

Today, i was wake up for a call, i just remembered today is friday Ive to get up to play basketball. anyway, my feelings are still bit worried about what was happened recently, but I'm trying to start to erase everything that I had in mind for the past few days and start a new day…

And i felt so confident and full of energy, I guess I feel fine. I walked on the street head held high. It felt so refreshing, no panic attacks, no dizziness, no fear. Perhaps today I can play more better.

my mood: 2.5/10.