I MISS MY LIFE

I sat on the couch and then I watch movies till I fall asleep and when I wake up, I’ll just turn on the music and listen to it while Sometimes I do laundry stuff and cleaning the house.

Then if i want to get out just wanna change my environment or somethin’ that I want to breath, or need to inhale fresh air… I ride with my toy and I called him jovenjoshua that’s the name of my toy, his helping me a lot to forget my pain. 

I know it doesn't sounds fun.  

I miss my life that I have been destroyed.

AND I AM LONELY...

I’m still go out in pain

I don’t know what I was thinkin’… it wasn’t part of my plan to visit my blogs tonight... reading my old post make me feel sick… i dont want to write my whining but my mind wants to say somethin’, my heart wants to let go of my burdens… 

Over the years people have come and gone in my life and I have wasted to many years losing the life I was in... I can’t believe it but it was happened with the blink of an eye, it happens so fast. I lost everything… I have loved and lost as so many others. I don’t know when is the time to close that door and open a new one... I am 36 years old now and my life is winding down.

I’m still go out in pain... I want to move forward but I don’t know how… Im freakin’ tired.

TAPOS NANAMAN MAGHAPON KO

natapos nanaman maghapon ko ng wala akong nagawang mabuti sa sarili ko. haaay buhay nga naman... walang asenso... hindi ko alam kailan ako mag kakaroon ng sigla sa sarili. nagiging pabigat na ako sa kay mama.. nakakahiya na. wala akong ganang mag trabaho... kahit nga kumain na lang wala pa rin gana... 

buti nalang kanina around 7:30PM nag punta sila pastor joy dito sa bahay nangaral ng salita ng diyos kahit gabi na 30 mins lang tinagal pangaral nya, salamat at kahit papano na bless ako sa aral ni pastor... at medyo kahit papano naman na iba din ng konti takbo ng buhay ko...  

at dumating din si oden kanina pag katapos ng turo ni pastor.  naligo kagad ako para ma fresh ang katawan at isip ko. at pagkatapos ko maligo nagpunta kagad kami ni kuya para maglaro ng basketball sa court nila  calvary around 8:00PM.  matagal tagal na din akong hindi nakakapag laro ng basketball... madale na akong mapagod sa paglalaro ngayon... 

naka isat kalahating laro lang ako... pagod na kagad.. pinulikat yong kanang binti ko... masakit at hindi ako nakakatakbo ng maayos sa court. kaya nag papalit na kagad ako..

haaay... tumatanda na talaga...madali ng mapagod... isip na lang gumagana.. hindi na kaya ng katawan...

12:44AM na pala.. medyo antok na din ako...

pahinga na muna... bukas nanaman ulit.. 

ano nanaman kaya mangyayari sakin bukas...?! 

hangang kailan ako ganito

Well, today maaga ako nagising.. maaga dumating si mother galing sa trabaho 5:30AM. maaga akong nagising kasi ginising ako dahil hindi nya daw marinig ang kausap nya sa skype. pinahiram ko yong isa ko pang laptop para doon na lang siya makipag-usap...buti naman naayos ko yong skype... nag uusap na sila.

anyway, gusto ko pang matulog kasi antok na antok pa ako. masyado pang maaga para gumising. pero kong iisipin mo talaga, halos araw araw natutulog ako dito sa bahay walang saya at sigla... walang inspirasyon. wala, wala lahat. hindi ko alam kong kailan ako ulit mag kakaroon ng buhay. hindi ko alam kong kailan ako ulit sipagin mag trabaho.

matanda na ako. walang ngyayri sa buhay ko. naglaho na mga pangarap ko. hangang kailan ako ganito.

Do you believe in miracle?!

i lost my strength.

i lost everything.

i have been left alone. I don’t know what’s happening to me.

i dont know where i should begin. i dont know where to find myself. i feel i am just floating in the mids of the  clouds.

imagined the things that i know it didnt happen and it will not gonna happen.

i always cry... cry and cry.

i cant get back the time once i was happy.

i am feeling so hopeless.

i always quit my job.

im so lazy to earn money.

im dying inside.

i am tired of being me.

i want to end my life.

do you believe in miracle?!

something that when you wake up in the morning your life comes back.

my life is a waste.

only God knows where's my fate lies.

Another sad night

Another sad night. I hope 2012 would be life easier for me, but those past few days it wasn't good to me. I am hanging at the moment, don’t know what to do next. 

It wasn't nice to be alone, I will just remember the stupid huge mistakes I made. it leads to breakups, everybody knows breakups can be devastating and it happens to anybody, I feel like my heart has been ripped out of my chest and I can’t be able to eat, I can’t sleep late at night, I can’t breathe again. Sad to think that you will also forget how to smile. 

Being heart broken by someone you love is one of the most painful things I have experience as human beings. But it happens to almost everybody.

mood: 3.5/10.

I wish the world ends today!

tonight, feelin sad thinkin what should I do., do the mayan calendar correct. do the worlds end this year?!

Whatever! I don’t care! I wish the world ends today!

Anyway… the Japanese guy and his girlfriend visited mum and brought some gift with 1 case bottle of san mig light, 5% alcohol with it…  kinda friendship thing…

however... It’s almost midnight… I am still awake… the night Is the safest time of day answering the unspoken question in my eyes. The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way…

the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so unpredictable, I just smiled sadly. knowing that you have been left alone. I don’t know what’s happening to me. Lots of mistake, lots of guilt kept. Life is so unpredictable.

I like the night. When it seems the worlds was asleep. Watching the stars at night, dreaming the happiness arrive, staring when the happiness suddenly shifted back to mine.

mood: 3.4/10

get really sick

i know she's gonna get really sick of my negative thoughts I'm pouring on her all the time, shes mad, really really mad. I know its not a good sign. Anyway, That's why I need someone else to talk too. that’s the thing being difficult for a long distance relationship. Its hard and It's too sad to think, she should know or we should know both about it.  

I wish every time I was with her we both never been happier and that it would be nothing but laughs and smiles.  But it's not always.  I wish I could just be happy for her.  I wish I never had a worry in the world just for her, so that she never had to be unhappy.  sHe deserves to be happy but I feel, seeing as she's the only person in the world I can talk too, I just bring her down. I love her so very much and happiness is the last thing I want it to be for her. 

mood 6.2/10

2012 Taurus Horoscope- Year of the Dragon

2012 Taurus Horoscope- Year of the Dragon

Year 2012 Overview 

With lucky Jupiter continuing to bless your stars, you can definitely expect to have the Midas touch in 2012, Taurus. Take advantage of your cosmic carte blanche during the first half of the year and get yourself firmly on the map. The first six months of the year are part of an ongoing personal renovation project before generous Jupiter leaves your stars. Not that you'll be losing much once the planet of fortune and fame moves into your neighboring sign and starts to bless your money sector. On the contrary - as soon as Jupiter moves into Gemini in June, your luck continues to build while grounding you in positive energy. The second half of the year will bring you great financial prosperity and opportunities to expand your talents. 

You certainly won't starve for love, lust and creativity in 2012. Mars, the planet of action, will heat up your romance sector for the first half of the year. The first four months of 2012 could bring the return of old flames. Use Mars's first quarter retrograde phase to wrap up old creative and romantic business. Having both Mars and Jupiter working hard on your behalf for the first six months of the year is a glorious predicament, indeed. Between mid-May and late June, your ruling planet, Venus, will turn retrograde, so mark that period on your calendar as a reminder to slow down, reflect and re-evaluate your relationship priorities. In fact, this would be an ideal time to take a hiatus from responsibilities in favor of completely relaxing and immersing yourself in beauty. 

Money and finance take center stage for most of the year as you experience several gains and losses. The key to your sanity will be to ride the wave of unpredictability and, in the end, trust that you'll still come out ahead. Pay special attention to your finances around the major eclipse points in May, June and December. Watch for new money-making opportunities around your birthday. It's just in time, because you may very well need to pad your piggy bank for some unexpected expenditures in June and July.