Friday, July 31, 2009

You’re my Princess

Friday, July 31, 2009 0
I know the things are not going to be easy and yes I am sure I don't want you to worry about the things that it will happen in the future. I never have a doubt that our plans could someone get on our way to ruin it, yet we should prepare for it. I know your are strong now and so do I.

We should have to stick in our plans and help each other to complete our goals. Don't worry yourself about us, I am always with you. I always want you more than ever. I don't think you have anything to worry about in regards the harm that will come to us.

We should know people sometimes are usually bluff, try to convince you, trying trick you but they will leave as soon as they capture your trust, they just want you to stay out of your focus, so please be cautious .

sometimes am scared and I want to calmed my fears, thinking not to worried about the things that I know it’s not gonna be happen, we should have to learn to think how to avoid it. I hope It could make this easier to you.

I feel bad that sometimes I broke my promised not to urged with you about the past. You don't deserved this bad arguments, and I’m ashamed to myself. I am really felt sad that I cannot completed the whole day being normally feeling happy.

You should not to worry about me, as long as I always see you, hear you. I won't let anything happen to you as long as I’m still breathing. I want to see you happy, I want you to have your confidence. And you should know that I’m that someone who will love you for the rest of your life. Don’t be a afraid, I am always with you, stay focus, stay with me. We will succeed. You’re a gift baby.

I have faith in you. I have faith in us. Forgive me Baby for wanting to protect you. I love You and want you to be safe.

You’re my Princess.

My mood: 7.2

right shoulder pain...

I’ve got a terrible Muscular pain in my right shoulder, I can’t take it this way all the time… I’ve had played basketball every Thursday I played 2 sets about 5:30PM, I noticed the pain in the front and the back part of my right shoulder including the armpit area. I can’t moved faster during playing time, and I cannot focus on my game plan inside the court.

Each day, I woke up and the pain continued, especially my right shoulder joint. I can't rise my arm, I can’t carry things or I can’t move my arm very good and faster, I took a muscular pain pill, and put hot and cold cream as well as pain reliever, but the thing is the same, nothings happen and it’s getting worst. what's happening with my arm and my shoulder? how long is it going to last? how can I cure it?

Yesterday, after I finished playing basketball I went to the clinic together with my friend to take a referral slip for my right shoulder x-ray… luckily, I catch the nurse before he went to dinner. Now I’ve got my referral slip, today or tomorrow I will go to the hospital for my right shoulder treatment.

I hope everything’s gonna be okay..

My mood: 7.2/10

Thursday, July 30, 2009

it's you...

Thursday, July 30, 2009 0

Thank you so much for the lovely morning e-letter, it such a wonderful feelings that you are always with me all the time. baby each day I think about you, it gives me more and more strength with which to carry on my life. It makes me happy to be alive knowing that you have came into my life and all I know is that I want to be with you for the rest of my life!

I believe this is it, you are the one for me. our wedding is getting closer, I will be there no matter what will happen but somehow right now being away from you drives me crazy and makes me want to be with you right at this very instant. I just think of this separation as a test. I can deal with it. If this is what it takes to be with you then I will go through it. Because I know at the end of these trials there will be joy.

i have the guts that you love me with all of your heart, mind, body, soul, spirit and to live with me for the rest of our days..., i will not let you down baby, you already have me since the day we had met... we're married in spirit and god blessed us our vow together, so please stay with me.. stay focus to our plans, we have a lotta things to do on our wedding... mahal na mahal kita hindi kita iiwan...

Well, baby, I love you more than anything in this world. Remember that I love you so much, I can’t live without you. it's you who made me tough and strong...

My mood: 7.2/10

Monday, July 27, 2009

I love u po so much

Monday, July 27, 2009 0
years ago somebody broke my heart, my dreams were almost shattered and all my hopes are Gone.. Then out of the blue you came and made changes into my life... I never thought i could love this much again not even in my wishful thinking.. u r not perfect and so am i.. we are so different in so many ways but those differences made our bond grows stronger. for a half year in a month the feelings i have for u still the same and I’m so thankful that i still have u despite all the rains and storms we still remain strong and still holding on.

Deep inside, I know it's hard and tough! and I'm strong enough to walk forward to be with you for the rest of my life. The memories that we shared are just like magnets pulling me back each time I remember it. In fact, i do love you and i realize that i will not probably never leave you, I CAN TRULY SAY THAT THE TIME I HAVE SPENT WITH YOU HAS BEEN INCREDIBLE!!! I love u po so much that its tearing me up now….

My mood: 7.2/10

Sunday, July 26, 2009

My journey...

Sunday, July 26, 2009 0
I just feel amazing feeling to be in love once again. Just when you are giving up on love you realize that there is more to learn about it. The pains it cause make you appreciate better things in life than giving up on love.

My journey in life is one full of pains and misery but despite all of these it is love once again that awakens me what is the real essence of love. It is often ironic how love hurts yet it gives joys and delights to one's heart.

If there is one thing to learn about love it is loving the right person that makes you highly appreciate love's essence, and does it make sense. I completely forgot the feeling of being loved or loving back for quite some times. And one hello from a blog changes all that. comment can change things.

I no longer believe in ever after. That is something I have worked hard for but failed. But I now learn to accept that I cannot always run away from love. Most especially from loving someone so dear who always make everything alright for me.

I am tired of refusing to love. This time around I am giving in to this wonderful feeling. I only hope that this happiness will never come to an end or I might not be able to open my doors for love once again - ever. I wish that there is happiness at the other end of this journey.

My mood: 7.0/10

i would have told you...

As time goes on and we're apart, I think of how things could have been. What we could have said or done to work things through. I would have been more understanding and not so judgmental, more loving and not so hurtful.

I would have told you I loved and cherished you more often. That there can never or will ever be another person who I admire like you or who has reached the depths of my heart like you have.

I would have told you that I'm so very proud of how far you've come and the things you have accomplished. But how could I find the words or actions to explain to you just how much I love you. It would take a million lifetimes to even comprehend my feelings.

My mode: 7.0/10

i just want to be loved again...

I loved her, even if that meant nothing to her. But It did to me, thus it changed me. Thus she has part of my heart. She has always have a place in my heart

This led me to think about the woman I considered myself to love. I fell into that, so hard, so deeply. I resisted it as much as possible. I admit what I actually felt. I believe her. I believed everything she told me despite not wanting to. I fell into it with all of the hope I have that we could be together.

If I could rewind time and go back, I would do so, i would stay from the past that she’s the one i want and I'd known before. There was a suspended moment, a time when I have never been happier. He gave me the greatest gift that life can yield, saying love is enough, but promise with the wedding plans and could be it? To live together forever and could be it? thats more than happiness.

she reminds me daily that there was love, and commitment, and I am stick on that line. But, however it will happen things, I believe, I will fell apart. That wasn't how the dream was meant to play out; Still I don’t have regrets and there is no chasing the dream. No, it's better to stay quiet, to let life go on. And just take things as they come, and take it easy as it comes. Because she has a piece of my heart; bringing my missing piece total to two, i love to think of it that way.

The freshest wound is the one that plagues me the most, at the moment, but I know that will pass. From experience, I know it will pass in time, like all things do, including dreams. I believe that. But all of these thoughts still whirl in my mind. They never go away. Specific to general and general to specific, the thoughts just stay there, nagging at me, tugging at my heart.

I wish there was a way to regain those pieces of my heart, and yet I know I wasn't wrong in giving them. I still believe that I am deserved to be happy or else I would have never cared. But I don't have those pieces of myself now, we’re apart. And the selfish part of me, it just me wants to be loved again, to be safe and...unknown. Or something.

I'm not making much sense now. I suppose.
better if i can move like a star.

That’s it for today..

My mood: 7.2/10

A walk to remember...

a bit of dialogues from the film A Walk To Remember. I think it is beatiful, a little lesson of what is the real love. enjoy

Landon: Are you scared?
Jamie: To death...
[Landon looks upset]
Jamie: Lighten up.
Landon: It's not funny.
Jamie: I'm scared of not being with you.
Landon: Oh baby, that will never happen... I'll be here.
------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ---------------
Landon: Can you find this star, right here?
Jamie: Sure. So why am I looking for this star?
Landon: Because I had it named for you. See? It's official. It's from the International Star Registry.
Jamie: This is wonderful... I love you.
------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ---------------
Landon: Hey. How are you feeling?
Jamie: I'm ok, how are you?
Landon: Pretty good.
Jamie: I have something for you.
Landon: You do?
Jamie: Uh hmm... Don't worry it's not a bible. It was my mother's. It's got quotes from all her favorite books, and quotes by famous people. Her thoughts. Come on.
Landon: Okay, let's check it out. Okay...”What is a friend? It's a single soul dwelling in two bodies." -Aristotle.
Jamie: Uh uh, right here.
Landon: Okay. "Find out who you are, and do it on purpose." That's Dolly Parton.
Jamie: I always thought she was smart.
Landon: "Love is always patient and kind. It is never jealous. Love is never boastful or conceited. It is never rude or selfish. It does not take offense and is not resentful."
------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ----------
Landon: [voiceover] Jamie saved my life. She taught me everything. About life, hope and the long journey ahead. I'll always miss her. But our love is like the wind. I can't see it, but I can feel it.
------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ----------
Landon: Do you love me?
[she nods]
Landon: Will you do something for me, then?
Jamie: [smiles] Anything.
Landon: Will you marry me?
[Jamie smiles and kisses him]
------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------ ----------
Jamie: I'm sick.
Landon: I'll take you home. You'll be be...
Jamie: No. Landon! I'm sick. I have Leukemia.
Landon: No. You're 18. You - you're perfect.
Jamie: No. I found out two years ago and I've stopped responding to treatments.
Landon: So why didn't you tell me?
Jamie: The doctor said I should go on and live life normally as best I could. I - I didn't want anybody to be weird around me.
Landon: Including me?
Jamie: Especially you!
[Jamie looks down]
Jamie: [Landon gets upset]
Jamie: Ya know, I was getting along with everything fine. I accepted it, and then you happened! I do not need a reason to be angry with God.
[Jamie runs away]

My mood: 7.2/10

Saturday, July 25, 2009

my biggest fear

Saturday, July 25, 2009 0
I'd have to say that my biggest fear is losing the one I love. It's hard to even think about. I tell myself even when things get complex, that, I will get by...get past it and get over it. I went through many things just to be with the one I love.

I can't bear to be without her. I have been with her since last year September 2008. That’s about a good half years almost. I fear of being alone, especially now that i'm at the other part of the world. 

My Life is quite complicated, but i should already accept that, I know there’s A lot of things affect how i live with it but i should always have a line that I will follow and can get back on when i stray as I will do from time to time. I set my Goals to her as well as hopes and dreams.

Hopes and dreams can be extreme and unattainable, but my goals should never be placed out of reach because there’s something that we have to control over. but I know that their line isn't mine. In a way I am almost have to look out for myself. That is something that I don't really like but it is the truth. 

My mood: 7.2/10

things are tough...

Good morning Baby. things are tough to me right now, it's really hard for me not seeing you often, i hope you slept well every night. anyhow, I have to work now. i felt i am so incomplete in my life without you baby, i am longing about you and i always thinking about you.

as I was sitting here thinking what to write. I hope we were gonna be fine, Baby. We're gonna be fine. I can assure you on my part I am doing the right things. I am still focused on our life together. I know how tough things are going to be in the coming month and months more to come. basically for you mostly. but I am going to be here for you, i will stay with you. That’s one thing you don't have to worry about at all. It may not seem like it to you but I have made a strong commitment to myself to you and to God. If that makes any sense. 

I just want to make this easier on you somehow. All I know right now is that when this is over I'll be there. Right now I am here as much as I can be. I have faith in you. I love you dearly. Stay strong Baby. it will be over soon. I miss you

My mood: 7.2/10

Happy Anniversary!

Dear xxxxx,

Good day! Happy Anniversary! I know from the start you are the love of my life. our plans are yet so close but yet so far apart. No matter where my life takes me, my heart is set on you. Like a flowers growing abundantly, our love gets stronger every day.

and each day We're having any kinds of communication to keep in touch although I know it's quite hard for us to be apart, but day by day my attention drawn more closer to you, feeling safe and closer makes a part of me happier than the other. All the laughs we have had together have become a part of my life and you will always remain in my heart forever. I will love you for the rest of my life and I will keep my promise. Stay close and stay focus.

Love always,

-----Original Message-----From: xxxxxxx Sent: Saturday, July 25, 2009 2:28 AMTo: xxxx V.Subject: Happy AnniversarryXXXX

Dearest xxxxx,

I want you to know that i am very very happy you came into mylife. You brought not only happiness into mylife but joy into my heart that will last a lifetime. You are forever in my heart. I will love you and cherish you forever in my heart and in mylife .
I am so blessed i couldnt thank you enough for all the wonderful things you have shown me and giving me your everlasting love. Im loving you everyday of mylife now and forever.
H A P P Y A N N I V E R S A R R Y M Y B A B Y!!!!

forever yours,

My mood: 7.2/10

Thursday, July 23, 2009

stay with me...

Thursday, July 23, 2009 0

Dearest xxxx,

Good morning! stay with me....Baby how I wish I'm with you right now, but I know that we are not sure what the heavens want for us and what God's plans are for each of us but I have all of this faith in us. I have faith that God will do the best for us and what would be best for us is our love.

I wish for a chance to show you the amazing love I have for you, the way you have shown me. I want you to know that I care about you more than I care for myself. I want to prove to you that you are my #1 - no matter what. I am just hoping that you will not change your mind till our wedding get through... I always pray that everything with you will be fine. Just stay strong as you are baby...stay with me baby.. I beg you stay with me.

I want to thank you for everything, Baby, everything you have taught me in life. I know that if for whatever reason one day God decides that you are not meant for me, I know that I won't regret not one second of everyday that I spent with you. I love you more than life and I wish that one day you will marry me as your husband and the father of your children.

Love always

-----Original Message-----From: xxxxxt
Sent: Thursday, July 23, 2009 11:34 AMTo: xxxxxn V.Subject: Goodmorning!

Dearest xxxx,

Thanks a lot for sending me lots of text this morning and everyday. Thanks a lot for the phone call this morning . You make me so happy everyday in every ways you do. I feel your love and care all the time. Thank you so much for being with me all the time in heart and spirit , and soul.

You know i love you and i always will. And im doing all the best i can to make our relationship well and make all our plan come true with you i am confident and happy and contented. All i do now is waiting for the right time it all will happen. Im loving you more and more each day.

Im yours now and forever,xxxxxxxxx


You're precious to me

Good morning, I have been trying all day to come up the words that you want to hear. Thinking what can I say or do that will make you know you are special to me. You just are. It just is. You have breathed life back into me. I work hard every day trying to do the same for you. I keep a picture of you in my mind and call upon it during times that frustrate me. I hear your voice echoing in my conscience. Nobody has ever done these things to me. I have never opened myself up to anyone in this manner, ever.

The wedding plans that we had been talked last night was wonderful, and I now know our plans was getting slowly coming on our way at the present, I know this is the right things to say, I’m happy to think that we’re keep moving forward till we reach our long time plans. I have just been real lucky, I found you. you are so precious to me.

Things just keep working out in our favor. Well I do love you. I know I do. I do think we will be together. I can see it. I can feel it. There is a force beyond our control calling us home. I love you, I need you. I believe you feel the same. You are so special to me. I have never felt so alive as when I think about our future. you are precious.

Stay with me, Baby. You are strong in ways I can only hope to be. You are precious to me. It may not mean anything to the rest of the world. I only care what it means to you and I know what it means to me. I love you more than any words can relay. My actions are and will be my measuring stick.

I want you in my arms, where you belong. Safe from harm. You are all I need. Keep well, Baby.

Stay strong just like you are.

My mood: 7.2/10

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

I am with you...

Wednesday, July 22, 2009 0
Perhaps I know physically I am not in your side right now, but I do love you as much as you do love me and I would love to be with you forever, I would do anything for you, this is what i mean just as much as my life does goes around you. I know sometimes I’m not the best man you want. But I will support you and deal with you no matter what means a lot to me. I can trust you and I know you’ll always be loyal to me. Always.

I know we’re not perfect as individual people but we are perfect together. I love how sweet you are. Even when I’m being completely childish which is most of the time. I love how you’re being honest with me, even if it would hurt my feelings for sometimes. I love how you can boost my spirits and self-esteem when I’m feeling my lowest.

You can make me cry easy, but good or bad, I am with you. I always love everything about you. I know you always tell me I can do better. To be honest with you, there is no other woman out there like you. There is no woman who makes me as happy as you do and there never will be. So I have to disagree with that statement.

You’re all I need. You’re all I want. That’s the way it’s always gonna be.

My mood: 7.1/10

You are my heart desire

Last night we’ve chatted, I feel relief for a days that I didn’t see you, it seems that it’s all most a year has been passed, i was so sad that it was happened, my laptop gave up.

but, I am still here waiting for you, I miss everything about you, and yesterday you brought love and happiness to my empty, sad and boring life. When I see your pretty face happy, full of life, a bit of tears ran down and i called it gladdness that i couldnt explain.

you know that my heart had known only emptiness until the day you came and filled my heart with love in so many ways. My saddest life has turned into a smile. You taught me how to love again, you taught me to give and receive love by trusting in you and believing.

You taught me to go the extra mile. And though there are miles between us, I never stop thinking of you, you have brought a change into my life and my heart is forever yours. I can never forget you, or keep thoughts of you out of my mind. I think of your sweetness and kisses, feel them as if it was yesterday. Thoughts of you warm my heart.

You complete me, you are everything my heart desire.

My mood: 7.2/10

Tuesday, July 21, 2009

I am so scared.....

Tuesday, July 21, 2009 1
i just want to have one more journal before i went home, but my time is running out. and im Not even sure what I am going to write. i Just grabbed the keyboard and started typing. I need to distract myself from my itchy thumbs, craving to send her message. I have had my cel phone in front of me all day. I will go as far as typing out an entire text and then watch the time goes by.

Whhhhyyyy????? Seriously. I know what I have to do. I know the plan. Everything inside of me is telling me to text her. EVERYTHING! I miss her being a part of my every day life. I miss being a part of her. I want to know how her day went and tell her how horrible mine was.

I miss my baby so much. I miss talking to her. I miss her funny laugh. I miss her smile when she's smile at me. We laughed all the time. but we should admit that shit happens sometimes. and It ruined all the plans, the relationship and thinking there could be more. I am so scared that it wont go back to normal.
I am so scared that we will never have what we once had before. I am so scared ....that no matter how much time I give her....she will not gonna be mine.
My mood: 7.0/10


Flashback not too badly, but quite scary. Pretty sleepy though.. less sleep last night, It is really hard for me to be here, a daily routine; it is really riddled with a lot of triggers and memories to tell on my daily journal. I was flooded with a flashback.... just bam, again I’m afraid that it will happen again. I’ve been having a lot of those scary thought since June till this time, right here... flooding; and nonstop. It is a bit too much.
BAM flashback; image pops in your head; and memories and sensations. It is horrible. And almost impossible to predict and prevent. Just like the nightmares; then you get afraid, actually even you want to go to sleep you will feel your fear. You can be exhausted as all hell but still you will be afraid to go to sleep to fear of what you will see in your dream.

I dont know what i want to do; go somewhere else, but where? just trying to think in a different way. but this is my place, nowhere to go around. Still I haven’t figure it out what should I do to myself, just worked and let the time passed, and don’t think, I can’t do anything, just Poor things; so mean as far as im concerned. and only so much i can do alone! But I just have my decision to make before my life’s end, so that if i am going there, i can set things up.
No matter where i am, i want I have been straight in my life. I have always wanted one so i can sit out and look at the stars and drink my tea..... I know life was rough road and a lot of things will happen. I am not feel safe....
I Cant wait to run for tomorrow; as much as i like to work out with my mood every day, and take on the new things in life, i hate when I felt hopeless coz I know I am deserve to be happy. The last month has been chaos....if u gonna do it do it otherwise dont bother i say!I miss, i miss that we used to be so close that when i had a bad dream, i could hug, kiss and she would talk to me and fall asleep with me.
It is so sad when you were once so close and now not at all. I wish I could go back in time and stop right there… i still miss the old baby i was used to chat everyday... flashback..
My mood: 7.0/10

Monday, July 20, 2009

post card 3 - im so happy

Monday, July 20, 2009 0

post card 2 - i will do everthing

only you forever in my heart

-----Original Message-----From: xxxxxxxxxxxx
Sent: Sunday, July 19, 2009 8:19 AMTo: Subject: Hello

Dearest xxxxxx,

Hello ! Hope you are ok! You know days and night are not the same without seeing you and talk to you . Im always looking for you and wanting to see you on the webcam and wanting to talk to you long hours. How i wish the days passed quickly so i will see you again and be with your loving arms again. I just want you to know that i love you more and more each day and not miss a single day without telling you how much i care about you. I don't want the day passed without being contact with you by any means. You are the most important person in mylife and always will be . How i wish i could be with you now to be there all the time and care for you and comfort you and give your every needs. Maybe then you don't worry too much and feel a lot better.

Even we are apart you still make me happy with your deep love to me . I feel it in my heart and blood. Your loves encourages me and makes me strong. It is always in my mind that we are married in spirit and did feel blessed with God. I am stay focus with you and to our plan . I'm waiting the day that we will get married in front of our God and our family and friends. As for now, i'm waiting patiently and doing the best i can to be a good wife to you, as i am your wife now and you are my husband.

You are always in my mind and heart and will always stay with me. Thank you so much for being loving , caring , understanding, and forgiving to me.
I treassure you so much and will cherish you forever in mylife.
We will get married and we will live together always and never be parted anymore very soon.

I love you and will love only you forever in my heart.
I miss you so muchxxxxxxx

I am yours forever

dear xxxxxx

The first day we met, I knew you were the one for me. The first hello and the first night i knew you are the one for me, and I’ve been honest with you since we have our first chat. It has been a little over half years now we knew each other and we are still lovingly in each other's minds, souls, and hearts.

Before I met you I had no idea what love really was until my heart truly started aching for you. Every day we didn’t chat, and each day we are apart, tears ran down my face unconditionally for the longing of you near me. I never knew a woman could have stolen my heart and made it truly in love. I never knew I could love a woman more than my own life. I long for the day I can finally look into your beautiful soft kind eyes and tell you how much I love you, and need you.

The true beginning of my life is when you are going to meet me next year, for our wedding plan. These long years we have both waited, and all my dreams are almost finally coming true. Seeing you every day is going to be the biggest blessing to my heart knowing I can reach you out.

What I need to survive and make it through this lonely world can only be conquered with you by my side, to think of you all the time. I do not think there are any words that could describe the way I actually feel about you. All I know, is you, My dear Baby, the only woman that is in my mind, the only woman that is in my soul, the only woman who truly and unconditionally has my heart for my lifetime and many more lifetimes the world has to offer us.

When I think about you, my eyes start to look sad because I know you are somewhere else and not in my arms. But the thought of you keeps me going and going for another breath of fresh air to keep my longing for you in my life going. I will never leave, and I will truly never hurt you. I admire you. You are my inspiration for anything. I never thought my time would come to love, and then it came and I was hit with so much emotion and power I did not know where to put it all.

I have stacked it piece by piece in my heart for you. I truly believe we are really meant each, and you are the only woman I will only give all I have to offer forever. I hope you never let go of me because I love you, and I know you love me too as much as I love you. Just the thought of you brightens my day completely, and sometimes I do bring you there on purpose to make myself happy when I am down.

Picturing your smile makes me smile, and I cannot wait to actually see that adoring woman I know with the unforgettable smile I know so soon. I treasure love and your heart. I love you, baby, and that is the only thing that is never going to change in my life. Always, and I am truly yours forever.

Love always,

My mood: 7.3/10

Sunday, July 19, 2009

honestly nothing i can do

Sunday, July 19, 2009 1
i'm sure i, myself has that point in time i just stop, period. and i wanna just take a second to think about something good for myself but i'm still living at the past, and that's why sometimes i wanna cry because i can't stay away from my past and i know that won't solve anything.

i always have to think about her except myself, theres no time for myself and im trying not to think for somethings else that it might hurt her feelings, hence pretend that i feel okay, but thats not the point though. i'm just having one of those days where i wanna crawl up in my couch and cry a little bit because you just want that one person that'll make you feel better, somehow. but she's not there. and it makes it that much worse. you would do anything just to be by her. but you can't.

there is just honestly nothing i can do at the moment. i don't want pitty or attention, i just want her. only her. but in the end, i can't always get what i want. and maybe it just wasn't meant to be but that thought crosses your mind and you can't even imagine what that would be like.

but i know that one person is my own selfish feel-good antidote? she's my cure... indeed.

My mood 7.0/10

Saturday, July 18, 2009

Let it bee

Saturday, July 18, 2009 3

When I find myself in times of trouble, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
And in my hour of darkness she is standing right in front of me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be, let it be, let it be.
Whisper words of wisdom, let it be.
And when the broken hearted people living in the world agree,
there will be an answer, let it be.
For though they may be parted there is still a chance that they will see,
there will be an answer. let it be.
Let it be, let it be, ..... And when the night is cloudy, there is still a light, that shines on me,
shine until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music, mother Mary comes to me,
speaking words of wisdom, let it be. Let it be, let it be, .....
-The Beatles-

Today I dont have my laptop for one month and I've found myself looking at the past when I should be thinking about now and the future. When I didn't know what to do, I did what I normally do. I turned on my iPod, put it on shuffle and sat back to think. The first song that came on was "Let it Be".

It was like I was being led to this answer and thats how I've decided to sort out this problem. Whatever happens happens and I'm not going to think about what could have been. I'm just going to Let it Be.

If my depression decides to come around into my life again thats whats going to happen. Sitting around wasting my time thinking about it all is going to waste my time, it's not going change anything. If my mood does show up, I'm also going to Let it Be.

So whenever you need the answers maybe you should turn to your beloved iPod and just listen to lyrics. THey could help you out someday.

"There will be an answer. Let it Be."

My mood 7.1/10

The problem is me...

One minute I am happy and the next my mood just takes a turn for the worse. I've always had trouble with depression but I've been okay for the past few weeks or so (my last really bad breakdown was June 16) until recently.

I have found myself getting into moods where I just want to hurt myself and I can't figure it out why. I know it is take time to heal my wound and now I should have nothing to be upset about. My life is good. I am in love, deeply in love and I have all the friends I need.

Maybe there are things about myself I need to work on. Maybe my life isn't the problem, maybe the problem is me, what I think about, what I feel about. I feel insignificant to the world or to her, and I hate myself more and more each day. but she's always been there to cheer me up. because i know the problem is behind me.

I've always hated myself a little bit but I have learned to find the good in me. But now I am back to the way I used to be and I can't find one good thing about myself. I will do the best I can to move on and don’t look behind that I know we might hurt us both. i know the problem is me.

I just need to accept it and learn how to move forward and dont look back.

My mood: 7.2/10

Thursday, July 16, 2009

i am just being me...

Thursday, July 16, 2009 0
Today, Thursday it has definitely taken me thru a loop. I’ve been just dealing with things, and not dealing with other things, i am just being me. just doing whatever I can to make things right and positive, and mostly anything that has to be fun and happy. i don't want to be sad, depressed, stressed, over giving, etc....well looks like I have had some up and down moments with all that. so sometimes I went to bed fairly late every night.

at midnight, I’ve got a caller and a text at almost 3:00 am. a friend asking to meet her in any place I want either hongkong or manila, she's was just bugging me. I went straight back to my sleep, my eyes I can’t open yet, I’ve got to spent a few hours left to sleep. Definitely, I’m dreaming with my wedding and certainly I hope it might happen soon and I was on over drive at this point, I need to go back to sleep.

Then I’ve think as soon as i got off of work, I would take a nap. wait! no Not yet! nope! Gotha go to home first, showered, cleaned, and I need to bring my laptop at the shop, it still covered under warranty service, the cooling fan it might need to be fix, I guess it’s not working properly, because it shutdown frequently when it reach the high heat temperature then suddenly it will tripped without warning. Damn laptop!.. junk!

right now, saddens me a bit! I can’t see her often before and after going to sleep and now once more I feel heartbreaking, i don't use this word ever really but I hate that she has the ability to do a lot to me, and she has no idea, how it caused me. she can change my mood, have effects on me in different ways, change my day, and so on. But one thing I want to make it sure for myself.. I just do believed that it wont happen again and I’ll put my whole trust to her.

so now I’m little exhausted. I’m spent, drained! I don’t need a bad sleep and I just want to have a good night’s rest tonight. I hope soon I will have a good night’s sleep and sleep thru the whole night every night.

enough for today.

My mood: 7.0/10

Wednesday, July 15, 2009

I feel good

Wednesday, July 15, 2009 0
I continue to feel good. Well, all things being relative I feel good. I could sleep last night, I made good progress. I'm feeling so good that I'm back to that desire to be off the mess. Sometimes I really think I could disengage myself off with my past story and think that I have to be alright. Other times, like now, I know for certain I could never survive without that so called love and inspiration to her, I vow never to miss a single text everyday.. I have to be up in time to see her in the morning and in the evening I have to remember that I should have to be home in time to see her.

After all, I want to continue to feel good. This morning that I almost missed my transport. After going to be at 6:15 AM I slept soundly enough that I overslept this morning. I hated to get up but I need too. The luxury of a kiss and good night's sleep with her is one I so rarely experience that I wanted to just lay in bed and enjoy it.
Really, Will wonders never cease.

I'm feeling very good and very stable. I feel like the world is my oyster and I'm gonna eat it. I hope this stability continues. I hope I will not be back into the depression again. I sure hope not. I have high hopes that my curse has been broken and I will remain stable. I know that one of these days I'll beat this damn cycle and it will stop. I'm trying to remain positive (thank you Marivic) and hopeful If it comes back this time I need to do something different to combat it. I just rather have to move on.

Not sure what that may be but obviously anything I normally do doesn't work. I would try to ponder again but experience has shown me that I can't focus enough to think when I'm depressed. Lack of concentration, you know? So I'm planning on doing my best to retain a positive attitude, to remember that it too will pass. Somehow I think that's the key to dealing with it. But the little beast is very insidious and sneaky, he usually finds some counter to anything I use to battle him. Wonder what his counter to positive thoughts will be? Damn depression..

Ok journal, enough for today. I'm still feeling very good but I'm starting to batten down the hatches in anticipation of the onslaught I fear will be coming in the next few days. We will see where the wages on till next year..

My mood: 7.2/10

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Married in spirit - 2

Tuesday, July 14, 2009 0
We're married in spirit I know you will treat it carefully because we are tied together forever. When you look in to my eyes, you know you belong there and I will give you the same honest look over and over again. The gaze that shows you are the only one for me. By saying nothing, I will say it all because my love can talk to you without spoken words. we’re both married in spirit in the eyes of the Lord for that i know his omni present has been there to be our witness.

True love for you can only be found in a place that has permanently settled in my warm heart. Someday will be every day. Every day will be ours. Our worlds turn in the same direction with my guiding spirit that only shines for your sky. I will be your Angel in heaven that takes away all and brings everything that needs to happen to make you happy. I promise with each step you will take I will slowly give you more little pieces of my heart. When you finally are on your way, you don't have to travel very far because I will meet you half way on the stairs of heaven so we can continue together.

I will be waiting with my hand reaching out. If you ever become tired of that climb, I will ensure to give you all my energy and be a light on your path in any time of darkness. In an empty night or on a rainy day, I will come running. Your existence is the only one in my confusing world and I would do anything to keep you near me because my true affection will give you all you long for.

As seasons change colours, I will give you the strength and courage you need to continue on our walk. Intimately love is build where we enjoy every moment of passion and our desires. The intense moment will be all I am living for. There is not anything I would not take on for your existence because at last we are alone in our own never ending story. You will lead me to a match of my reserved heart and yours. It will be you. It will always be you. The desire to live forever is long forgotten because my love to give is more than enough for a lifetime.
Will you marry me? without any doubt?
My mood: 7.2/10

I haven't been able to sleep...

I haven't been able to sleep last night... I can't sleep no matter how hard I try, the whole damn day I felt exhausted and when I went home I’ve been surprised because my laptop is dead I don’t know what the hell happen.
I troubleshoot the possibilities why it wont work..., but I couldn’t find the trouble, I’ve done everything and at the end I proclaim it junk, it’s a piece of crap, I should have need a technician to do the job, still under warranty service. Anyway, I felt tired and stressed out but i couldn’t get my sleep.

Well, technically I do get to sleep, but it's only 2 or 3 hours after the time I turn my lights off and close my eyes. It's been like this for more than a week since last month my bloody June. I tried listening to quiet, calming music but it doesn't help, still I can’t sleep.

I've tried reading but it doesn't help, I've tried making the room cooler but it doesn't help, it just made me felt chill only. I don't think it has anything to do with my junk laptop, i just try it maybe it might work. But still I couldn’t get my sleep.

I feel sad today maybe I can’t see her and talk to her tonight...

My mood: 7.1/10

Married in spirit - 1

We’re both married in spirit that’s what we agree and the only thing I can offer you is my heart and I fear that maybe that is not even good enough. If I was able to I would give you so much more. When I am truly in love, it will be hard to explain to others how I feel but there is no need to describe feelings to anyone else but you.

True only to my heart and to you. Nothing else that ties me. A smile captures my heart and I sell my soul without thinking twice. The painful hurt inside that has been lingering forever changes to longings, to be in your arms. If I had to choose between anything and you, it would be the easiest choice I ever made. You are everything and to give up all which would be replaced with you can be done in a heartbeat.

My eyes dim any candle light around you because there would be no need for anymore light in your life. No music tunes can compare to my soft voice because it will only whisper in your ears. Just because it is you. You bring my heart to life, but you can also bring it death. It is mine to give for a once in a life time opportunity and yours to carry in your loving hands.

You may also like this:
Married in spirit - part 2

My mood: 7.2/10

Monday, July 13, 2009

balance in life

Monday, July 13, 2009 0

Today, It’s funny coz I know right now... I feel there was a balance in my life between good things and bad things. although we know the good things are about as equal as the bad things in the real world.

I'm starting to see things in a whole new perspective. Like, love for instance...basically i will not giving up my feelings by any means because I know I will regret it in my entire life and I will end up loser for the rest of my life. So I should fight my love by any means to prove that I am deserve to be happy besides I know that I am capable to stand for it at the end.... I’m just living my life to think positive instead of putting myself down and void, I should learn to stay away of my negative thoughts because it will not help me a lot in a long ran.

Maybe life isn’t as bad as it seems and maybe, or just maybe i will be completely hopeless when bad things happen, although i know I can make it pass right through the rough road many times as it gets, i will get hurt badly but i will stand and face for it. I will make it sure that throughout the history of my life, I do believed I’ve reached the final frontiers of my accomplishment.

I know there where will be the toughest glitch of my life to happen on my journey... but I will have to remember that I can’t always get what I want and I have to deal to accept everything for what the life may cause me on my journey.

There’s no use in crying over spilt milk...and I’m not going back to it anymore. I’m just going to follow the flow of the life and see where it takes me... and let the good times roll.

My mood: 7.2/10

Sunday, July 12, 2009

John 14:1-3

Sunday, July 12, 2009 0
i've had been troubled with my fears each day i face the true reality of life... today early morning i found this chapter.

"Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you. And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again and receive you to Myself; that where I am, there you may be also." 

--John 14:1-3 NKJV.

i will love you forever

Each day we are both discussing about our love how we 're equally sincere and faithful for what we felt and today I woke up and I have so many question to shout out.

here it is..

Will you love me forever just as I have love you? Would you take that walk with me… Converse with me when I am in need for understanding? Hold me when I am in need for comfort And guide me through all of these stresses our life has directed towards us? Are you willing to hold your ground when times get ruff… As the world turns against us…And as temptation challenge us? Do you see passion when you look into my eyes while you kiss my lips?

As I hold you closed to my heart, I felt the love that I was looking for a long time, it was wonderful. Every tears I’ve had cried the bloody pain I felt inside. I just kept and locked it deep into my heart, trying to forget and don’t look back, it’s killing me but now I catch it with a good faith in… Because I know it will be healed on a much brighter day.

Will you love me forever…and even after forever? For all of eternity…even when death has done its part? When I look into your eyes…I didn’t see a lifetime love but I see forever love and a true love..

Will you love me forever just as I love you? Will you be there when I need you? Or whenever you need me? When I look into your eyes. I see everything I have been always needed. What I have always wanted And what I have always prayed for every night, every morning and everywhere.

You are the next best thing having the lord next standing at my side and so therefore when I tell you that I love you…Don't ever think that... it is anything less than being forever... it is my heart told me to love you forever.

My mood: 7.1/10

Saturday, July 11, 2009

cautious with your heart

Saturday, July 11, 2009 0
day 7

Why is that when you love you have to be so cautious with your heart? When I love I love with my whole heart and with all my might. That is how I love her. With my whole heart. I guess we have to go in with our guard up because once love happens it hits hard, but it also hits hard when love goes.

Isn't it amazing that when you're in love, it is the highest high? It is better than any drug or alcohol, but when love waivers it is more hurtful than any form of withdrawal. The heart is amazing because no matter how many times it can be broken it stills remains in tact in case of the next fall.

my mood: 8.10/10

move on

I t's been so long since I said that I would never move on but nah I have changed my mind because I want to make the best out of my life...we never know when it's going to end so I think that we have to try our best to be succesfull in life and acomplish all of our goals!

My mode: 7.2/10

Positive Thinking will bring you Happiness!

The wonderful thing about Positive Thinking, is the positive life it creates for you. Positive thinking is not just about becoming wealthy or achieving success - it will enrich your life, reduce stress, and bring happiness to you.

It is about feeling happy, prosperous, and contented with your life.When your mind is thinking positive, it literally becomes infused with harmonious energy, with this your general health, attitude, and creativity is greatly improved. With your life happy and calm it will become enjoyable.

Negative thoughts lead to anger, stress and unhappiness. Bad thoughts and feelings mean negatives are present, causing you problems from sadness, relationship problems, to even health issues. If the cause of bad energy is not addressed, you will continue to suffer difficult times. Negative Thoughts attract more negative into your life.Positive thinking is easily applied. The rule is to keep all negative thoughts out.

When you start to think negative, stop yourself and take a deep breath and think a positive thought. Think of what you want the outcome to be, instead of the “what if’s…”Positive thinking will attract positive situations into your life. When you start to think positive, you will discover a new energy and zest for life.

Life will become joyous; your relationships with loved ones will reach a better level of understanding. Interactions with others in your life will begin to improve. Positive thoughts will bring you a positive life!

My mood: 7.2/10

Friday, July 10, 2009

my biggest fear

Friday, July 10, 2009 1
I’d have to say that my biggest fear is losing the one I love. It's hard to even think about. I tell myself even when things get complex, that, I will get by...get past it and get over it. I went through many things just to be with the one I love. I can't bear to be without her.

I fear of being alone, especially now that I’m depressed, and being left behind because we know that It's not every day you’ve got a good mood, because of what the hell Is happened from the past...

i should learn that their someone who will take full responsibility for her actions to guide her in the right way, which is I could say it is me only and I will not leave her alone…

sticking together in any way if needed, i call it commitment for the one you love, for what I have described married in spirit!. I used to be so scared because I know that I am not that important to her. But I put aside everything not necessarily important to discuss about. I got married in spirit which is only me and her both understand, I know this setting will work well, because I really want her to marry me, to live with me for the rest of my life. 

That's what my thoughts always met up to. I thought "what is something happened from the past could end up unfilled and I will lost everything. I am glad If she will be here for me, I’ll take care of her like a princess " But I am happy with my baby, I am delighted that I, me, and just me get to have her in the right time, to marry her is fulfillment..

I trust her with my heart. I don't want to lose the happiness that I have right now. always being with her, hunger to live in our own little world with her..

Now that...if I losing her, is my biggest fear.

my mood: 7.1/10

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

constant pain - 2

Wednesday, July 8, 2009 1
I’m done with the happy smiles and pretending that I’m not hurting because i am. When i hurt, i don't want you to hurt with me. I want you to look at me as if i am strong to still be going through something so bad. Something that cant be seen or defeated.

Death is is harder. You live it with all the cracks in the road. No one makes it out alive. So why am I still here? Why is everyone so worried about me while im here? Im ready to leave now, God please grant this one last wish. I’m ready to come home, at your will and not my own. Take away all my pain, this constant hurt. I tried to hold on for so long. Please don’t demand things of me that i cant do, i can't snap out of it. No i can't just get better when you want me too.

Im hurt and im dying. Im dying to leave this place. There’s so much hate so much sadness. I want it to disappear. Pure agony is ripping through my heart do you like to watch me hurt myself. Who likes to watch a man search his house for knifes that everyone locked up because they knew she'd have that moment of weakness.

Who likes to watch a man breakdown because she has no choice no chance. She does what she knows, its not his fault his weak. Its not her fault she cries herself to sleep at night. What do you do when there’s nothing left to live for? When everyone that was there is gone to live there life, in bliss happiness. I envy everyone who can smile for no reason.

I envy the sorrows that people get over. I don’t chose suicide because I want to be dead..I just want to escape to a world where im alone. Where nothing can hurt me. Love hurt. It cuts into your heart and breaks every little piece one by one. someone stop the hurt. I am hurt, help me end this before I do it on my own..again.

My mood 7.1/10

constant pain - 1

I slept late last night, thinking about being in pain is one of the worse things you will ever experience. Everyone goes through it, they experience the taste of heartache. What if you feel pain all the time and it never goes away. What if you have a pain that doesn't only make you want to lay in bed all day but it keeps you up all night.

Thinking pondering your next move to end everything and become nothing. It makes you wonder where you went wrong to deserve such suffering.. when you smile, it's forced. You want everyone to understand what you’re going through but they don't and they won't. Some say it's going to be'll get through this. Do you think it’s okay to wake up in tears? Do you think it’s okay to feel a constant pain that rips through your heart & breaks you. Everyone caring but nobody understand.

Watching over your every move so that if by chance you get hurt, they are going to be there to catch you. Well here it is out in plain writing.. don't catch me. Watch me fall from the highest point in my life to as low as i possibly can. Watch me break under the weight of the sadness. Let it take me out of this horrible more crying.

My mood: 7.1/10

Tuesday, July 7, 2009

peace and quiet

Tuesday, July 7, 2009 0

sometimes when we clean and wash out in the physical, the mental takes over and you begin to think about things from the past. Things that you have been hiding from yourself, holding back for various reasons, things you just need to let go of. 

When you do begin to clean and purge your mind and heart a peace comes over you and you know some things are right in your world. It happens to me a lot as I try hard to keep my physical side mess free as much as possible for the succeeding month.

I have been working a lot on my mind and heart. Most of you who read me know this and have been through the ups and downs with me finding who I really am inside.

I was on my bed sitting staring all four corners of my room, no movies to watch, no songs to listen. I just need a peaceful setting and somehow I would like to feel my mind is calm down and relax. I love peace and quiet thought.

I am Not sure why this post is being typed right now. I would write a few things then go back to my work and then come back as I felt led to.

One of the few things I realized about myself was this. I desperately need to exercise my brain. It’s imperative that I do so. I realized this after I found myself reading back all of my blogs. Seriously, I need to go out, make time each day to do something different. It is sad when I read my June post, it hurts me so much, all totally mess up.

There were releasing tears and silly but it was something that with all of the stress in last few months coming down to crunch time for me, I need to do something about it. If I allow myself a little time daily to think something positive, then I won’t get back to the point I will be scared and afraid.

I have been trying hard to trick my mind into thinking that everything to me will be okay…. I know I am not good enough… the curse still following me.. wish me luck.. 

I know it was a long one but sometimes the long ones are so worth reading. 

Sadly, this one was not.

My mood: 7.0/10

Monday, July 6, 2009


Monday, July 6, 2009 1

I couldn't ask for more!

Things are going very very well every day, I have come to realize that this year has been a lot of changes for me and everyone around me and i could always see my pretty baby every day morning and evening. It’s all been very exciting. I'm glad i have this life back to me.

Having my life back has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I have been in love but I have never loved anyone as much as the love I felt now. Every day, I am having awake from a dream of us together, I thank God I found you! What have I ever done to deserve such a loving, caring, wonderful woman I’ve ever met.

Everything about you is just so perfect. I know you are not without imperfection, but in my eyes, everything you do just seems so wonderful. The way you express your love to me is so awesome!! I feel so loved! I need only to think of you to have all my troubles melt away. I couldn’t ask for more.

I want to spend my whole life with you, loving you and receiving your love in return. I long to hold you and feel your sweet caress. The miles that lie between us will soon disappear, and we will have each other always. I don't care what others say about you and me. All I know is that I love you, and that will never change. Thank you for loving me the way you do. I couldn't ask for more!
My mood: 7.2/10

Sunday, July 5, 2009

end up real?

Sunday, July 5, 2009 0
Today, in my current blog I post about my weird dreams. last night I went back to bed around 2:00 am in the morning i started having this dream of certain things and I am scared if all these dreams become realistic so I’m kind of curious and scared.

now I am hoping those dreams that will comes up into my view would be different than i had last night. it could have compassion, love, commitment, and specially a breathtaking wedding of the year.

hoping and pray that those wonderful dreams will end up real......

My mood: 7.0/10


seems that I’ve had dream again the most horrific nightmares I feared last night. it was started to happen since April and May on my last vacation. I had these nightmare all night and it always coming back choking me.

I've had vision of nightmares where it seems myself lossing things i've loved. unmovable, surrounded by fears, watching all happens. In these dreams, I'm frozen and letting the pain do their job without interfering. Even though I'm screaming, my mouth is sewed shut. I can't move a muscle, and no matter how much I want to, I'm stuck, forced to watch the whole scene before my eyes. It was my fear.

And I just want to know when they'll stop hurting me. I'm tired of seeing them massacred my life to no end. I've tried so many things, but nothing seems to work. Guess I'll just have to wait it out, like in the dreams... just wait when it will end and hoping someday all fears will vanish.

My mood: 7.0/10

Saturday, July 4, 2009

Personal Space

Saturday, July 4, 2009 1

when i first joined and started to blog on this site, I had no intention of allowing anyone I knew personally to have access to it. this was going to be my personal space to vent, to winged and moan, maybe even to share some happy experiences with the world, so long as it was not my lil corner of the world.

however, after some time I shared my blog with a small number of people i love and trust. I hope it was not a mistake. i wrote all about me and at the moment it’s my personal space.

this is my space for my personal thoughts, both good and bad. anyone who reads this should be aware that they may not always like what they read and if they are unable to deal with the truth laid bare.

I’m pretty laid back and can be tactful and considerate to those I care about. That’s not to say I’m dishonest and don’t express my true feelings, but i am far more subtle than I could be if I were to just say exactly what is on my mind. i think most of us are like that.

no one wants to hurt the ones they love by tearing their world to shreds every time they disagree with their lifestyle choices. I know my other friends are actually have that same respect for me. they are very comfortable giving their opinions on every area of my life .
and I believe i have the right to write my opinion and shall continue to post on here...... this is my space.


My mood: 7.0/10

Friendly thoughts

Good morning!

Don’t worry I’m okay don’t think about that I am overdoing myself, my blogs are intended to vent my feelings and emotions through the way of writings, I just really want to let my feelings out. anyhow I think there’s no harm about it.

besides I am not in the room for quite sometimes, I went to panda, I went to the beach for swimming movies and listen to any music of course, you know how I love music and I will not retire yet on my singing career and every other day I went to the gym for health exercise.

basically, I know and I think, i balance my way of living well and also I eat well… even though you are not asking me to eat in your place. but It’s okay... Now, I am enjoying myself…

you know my family respect me as well as my friend that are closer to me, they know that I am the head of the family now……. they need me, they need my help, and I know I am the only concern person that could help them. i will not lose my fate. i will not lose their faith. i know your sound like I lose my control…but I’m still at my right course…

by the way I will not harm myself, although my blogs are up and down. My God is always in my side to help me, I know he will not let me down.

Thanks for your concern, have a great day…

I am enjoying myself even though I’m not around.

Good day! Thanks! Enjoy!

Dear Joven,

I have given you enough space and time for quite a long time but you seem to enjoy it more so I decided not to disturb you for some time. But on the second thought, being a friend, I would like to know how have you been doing lately….

I visit your blogs every now and then. From the way I look at it, it seems like a roller-coaster ride. One day it’s up, another day it’s down, you seem to lose control of your emotions and it bothers me a bit.

Being in loved is one of the most wonderful feelings one could ever experience. But you need to balance it off. Showing your emotions to your loved one is fascinating… it makes your life meaningful. But are you overdoing it? or maybe thinking that it is not enough yet? You need to assess yourself. Don’t you think it’s affecting your work? Don’t you think you somehow neglect your social activities, like interacting with your friends? Am not saying, you owe it to your friends, you just need to open up a bit more so that you can free yourself from your suffocating world. Being alone sometimes is invigorating… it makes you think, contemplate, meditate and assess yourself. But if you do it most of the time, then, it is rather unhealthy because you only invite more negative thoughts than what you can only think of.

Sorry if you think I have become too intrusive to your private moments. I was thinking that I could somehow help you find ways to make things a bit easier for you. I just want to say, I did not leave you…. I was just there looking from the outside…. Still caring for you.

Best regards



I am absolutely exhausted. I feel like hell and, i really don't want to go to work, It’s weekend!, tomorrow I will stab him at the back.


I found myself drove back to the office, but I know for Sure It will be okay, at least it's only going to be at most 1 hour staying there and I’m done, completely.

Then, at the Main gate of the company the security catch me… he said blah blah blah and blah ….it takes 10 minutes of non sense talking, just to let me know that he’s working good.. gezz,..… at the end, I win… he let me come in…


however, at exactly one hour I’m done… i contacted my boss…. and I said “it’s all done”…and his happy…..

now every things are fine and good, things are all back to normal…

I called my baby.. because today is Friday… just to let her know that I am always thinking about her and I didn't forget her every second..


I love her so much.. I cant live the day without seeing her…

Finally, I will get up early tomorrow to work again. Then so and and so forth with my week start another new week. It has a looong day to go..


anyway by any means, i love her so much and marrying her its my fulfillment ... But now there is nothing I can do. Just to wait…

My mood: 7.1/10

Friday, July 3, 2009

I can still feel your love

Friday, July 3, 2009 0

Thursday, July 2, 2009

Morning Coffee

Thursday, July 2, 2009 1

While having my morning coffee, I sat in a quite atmosphere, then I let my thoughts flow… and Here we go… one of these days I’m going to stop thinking about the things we are always arguing with, I know it was not good to talk about the things its already done in the past. maybe,... I hope it will end soon.

I am so tired of it and it’s not worth thinking about those nonsense topic that I have been kept in mind for so many days... now, I am here, I sat having my morning coffee thinking about you; frustrating me to the point of blogging.

Earlier we had just been discussing some important subject matter although only between two of us will understand. I know it would have been much easier for the both of us. I know it was a challenge for me to move on, to think and to understand everything that I am not aware... I believe it will work.

it is possible that you were truly in love with me like you said and I wish your love it could wait for the right time. I believe all things are possible. I suppose I will go around happily in your daily existence until you see/hear/feel something that reminds you of me...thought.

But somehow I don't think you are as crazy as me as you claimed and if you were telling the truth...and you were in love with me and wanted to really be with me... THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE FOUGHT FOR ME!! like I did.

I hope, if I am right to think that if myself really wanted you I would rather have to tried harder and harder.

I’ll keep in touch.. I will not let you go..

My mood: 7.1/10
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