Wednesday, July 8, 2009

constant pain - 2

Wednesday, July 8, 2009
I’m done with the happy smiles and pretending that I’m not hurting because i am. When i hurt, i don't want you to hurt with me. I want you to look at me as if i am strong to still be going through something so bad. Something that cant be seen or defeated.

Death is is harder. You live it with all the cracks in the road. No one makes it out alive. So why am I still here? Why is everyone so worried about me while im here? Im ready to leave now, God please grant this one last wish. I’m ready to come home, at your will and not my own. Take away all my pain, this constant hurt. I tried to hold on for so long. Please don’t demand things of me that i cant do, i can't snap out of it. No i can't just get better when you want me too.

Im hurt and im dying. Im dying to leave this place. There’s so much hate so much sadness. I want it to disappear. Pure agony is ripping through my heart do you like to watch me hurt myself. Who likes to watch a man search his house for knifes that everyone locked up because they knew she'd have that moment of weakness.

Who likes to watch a man breakdown because she has no choice no chance. She does what she knows, its not his fault his weak. Its not her fault she cries herself to sleep at night. What do you do when there’s nothing left to live for? When everyone that was there is gone to live there life, in bliss happiness. I envy everyone who can smile for no reason.

I envy the sorrows that people get over. I don’t chose suicide because I want to be dead..I just want to escape to a world where im alone. Where nothing can hurt me. Love hurt. It cuts into your heart and breaks every little piece one by one. someone stop the hurt. I am hurt, help me end this before I do it on my own..again.

My mood 7.1/10


Ilka Flood

Jeremy, you're still here because your life's not done.You haven't done yet what you were put on earth for. You haven't fulfilled your purpose yet.

Better times are coming. Happier times are coming. Just hang on and get through the valleys.

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