Sunday, July 26, 2009

i just want to be loved again...

Sunday, July 26, 2009
I loved her, even if that meant nothing to her. But It did to me, thus it changed me. Thus she has part of my heart. She has always have a place in my heart

This led me to think about the woman I considered myself to love. I fell into that, so hard, so deeply. I resisted it as much as possible. I admit what I actually felt. I believe her. I believed everything she told me despite not wanting to. I fell into it with all of the hope I have that we could be together.

If I could rewind time and go back, I would do so, i would stay from the past that she’s the one i want and I'd known before. There was a suspended moment, a time when I have never been happier. He gave me the greatest gift that life can yield, saying love is enough, but promise with the wedding plans and could be it? To live together forever and could be it? thats more than happiness.

she reminds me daily that there was love, and commitment, and I am stick on that line. But, however it will happen things, I believe, I will fell apart. That wasn't how the dream was meant to play out; Still I don’t have regrets and there is no chasing the dream. No, it's better to stay quiet, to let life go on. And just take things as they come, and take it easy as it comes. Because she has a piece of my heart; bringing my missing piece total to two, i love to think of it that way.

The freshest wound is the one that plagues me the most, at the moment, but I know that will pass. From experience, I know it will pass in time, like all things do, including dreams. I believe that. But all of these thoughts still whirl in my mind. They never go away. Specific to general and general to specific, the thoughts just stay there, nagging at me, tugging at my heart.

I wish there was a way to regain those pieces of my heart, and yet I know I wasn't wrong in giving them. I still believe that I am deserved to be happy or else I would have never cared. But I don't have those pieces of myself now, we’re apart. And the selfish part of me, it just me wants to be loved again, to be safe and...unknown. Or something.

I'm not making much sense now. I suppose.
better if i can move like a star.

That’s it for today..

My mood: 7.2/10


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