odd life

day 150

tonight, I sit here waiting for anything that comes up into my mind, feeling down, and stressed at work, this is my life, I can't seems to say anything about this odd life I was having, I’ll just do what was my life usually do every day. I'm not sure how to say it... I guess I figure if I can start putting my thoughts into words, it will help to calm myself. just for the sake for not being fuck for the whole damn year.

Well I just getting things off on my chest, these is my life. but I want to write to remember how it feels to have the words flow from me now, so if I will come back to it, well I know what I was thinking on this very day.

My goal right now is to focus on my life. whatever may comes up into my way I will accept it and face the present, love or not be love, I don’t care, it’s my fate to be cheated. I’m still open for whatever life drives me away, whoever may notice my sincerity, for good and kindness I will dwell on her … I am tired, I need to rest....

NOW I don’t want to spent way too much time focusing on or being anxious about the future, and way too much time dwelling on the past. I want to bring myself more into the present, so I am going to try something. I'm going to try to write only about TODAY. It may or may not work, but the goal is to bring myself back to NOW.

im not in the mood today... life sucks!

my mood: 5.5

delicious

day 149 - sundayscribblings #195-delicious

Wow Nothing seems to be more delicious when you are unconditionally fell in love with someone you want to be together for the rest your life.

It’s like a cake and a chocolate thing that melts in your mouth the instant it touches your tongue. The kind that you come home to after a long day at work, and immediately dive into like a savage beast. The kind you promise yourself you won't buy, but you do it anyway, because you think you have earned it.

This kind of cake, the kind of chocolate you eat, is the best woman made stuff on the planet. One can't help but divulge in the sensuous aroma of its exterior, and thrive in its smooth and creamy interior, that is soft enough to make a grown man cry. I've seen it to her happen. I’ve seen her how she eat a lot. Even though she wants to lose her weight and promise not to eat much. Honestly, she was deliciously eat much now a days.

my mood: 1.5/10.

The new year has begun - 2010!

Day 148

Good Bye! 2009 – hello 2010!!

Today, Friday, January 01 2010, The new year has begun, new number will be credited on my age. Damn it! I'm getting old, hate it! new additional wrinkled line will be added on my face. How come that I am still young but I am look like older than my age?

Anyway, last night, I am still very excited, while waiting for her, the year has come for me to end my singleness. Damn, do I really need to do this? Its freaken me out. I should staying in my room for the first day of the year, I really want to spend time to her even though I have a good night sleep with her before I sleep, for me it’s not enough. But now look at me I am here at work, bored!

However, for the year 2010, I just prayin that my highness will grant me toughness to feel as I thought I have energy and the drive to achieve what I want to this year. Geezz, I made my day. I have missed every happy things in my life and I consider it as my experience, I am tired for being alone for so many years, life wasted and time wasted. But I know I am not the only one having these issues.

Nothing can find true happiness in a single day. Nothing is worse than loosing someone so close to you, I know that it will take time and we may never be as close as we used to be. Sometimes I just woke up in the morning, watching her sleep and she looks so care free but guess if she wake up, she’s fatal.

So far I hope that she stays motivated and will keep her promises to me. And believes in herself, and believe in me. Someday I will be with her my true happiness. And I will fight to keep her for as long as I can. I always treats her like a princess, giving her true happiness, as long as I am with her.

It’s not very hard to fly home, to come back to my grown up country, I’m pretty excited about seeing her, again. where living ages away. It’s only a couple seven (7) months away from now. And a whole day hour flight.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

My mood: 1.5/10.