further away

Friday, So, I've been awake for about over an hour, i washed my clothes, i cleaned my room and I've my morning cup of coffee as always. I plan to eat nothing today,  i don’t have appetite till now, i am still shocked, and really its quite difficult to accept the fact that it was happened, i can’t believe it.

For now i  Just took a cup of coffee and water. I'm going to be strong today and stay tough, though. I'm trying to think about the fact that I have will power and that I'm in control. I should learn to forget the fact that it was over.

Its boring, since yesterday i had a stressful day.  Hmmm... maybe overwhelming? hmmm.. just very sad... confusing and emotional, everything was wrong... i didn’t expected to happen. 
i really feel like i am losing it.  part of me feels like i am further away from her than ever, like im such a disappointment and ass. but then another part of me is telling me this is the real turning point, and that there is absolutely no going back. i really don’t know where im going and just ugh, tired...  the hate i have for myself and hate for just living. and going through every day. I felt that i live in hell.... depressing and a whiney complaining asshole.

ahwell... i should get over it and stop being so unappreciative.

my mood: 8.5/10.

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sulat

day 90 - part 3

mahal kong Maria,

Mahal na mahal po kita. Handang handa akong ma kasal sayo sa susunod na taon. Hindi ko kayang mabuhay ng wala ka. ang pag ibig ko sayo ay higit pa sa buhay ko at naka handa akong mag tiis alang alang sa pag ibig na darama ng aking puso. at para maisikatuparan ang mga pangarap kong makasal sa taong lubos kong minahal ng taos sa aking puso.

Sa hirap at sa ginhawa akoy iyong ma kakasama. Masama man o mabuti ako ang iyong kasama. tayo ay Kasal sa pusot, isipan at sa ispiritu. tayo ay pinag buklod na ng diyos dahil sa pag ibig nya sa ating dalawa at wala ng makakapag hiwalay sa atin liban lang din sa kanya. Ang pag ibig ng diyos ang tunay na dakila at dahil dito ako ay nag papasalamat sa kanyang kabutihan. At gayun din naman sayo mahal kong asawa ako ay lubos na nag papasalamat at rumi-respeto sa pag ibig mo na-iniuukol mo sakin. Sa ngalan ng Diyos Ama at ng anak na si Cristo Jesus at ng Espiritu Santo matutupad ang mga pangarap nating makasal na matagal na nating minimithi.

ako ay taos pusong nag papa-salamat, sa mahal kong asawa na dahil dito ang kasiyahang idinudulot mo sa buhay ko ay hindi kayang mapantayan ng sinuman. Ang saya na bumabalot sa puso ko ay ibinabalik ko ng labis-labis na respeto at pasasalamat, at pag mamahal sa iyo.

lubos na gumagalang at nagmamahal,
wolverine

my mood: 1.0/10

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