lets have a walk

Day 102 – part 2

I walked three rounds tonight in downtown, because I need to see something new in my eyes for a change, or I need to free my mind by walking on the street, feel the cold night air or something that if I am back into my room I am pretty tired and ready to lie down for a sleep and not to think much for something I know it will put me down forever. well, life goes on in the rough road, and it’s my fate, indeed... Yeah.. i have it, since then.

I still believe that life will not stop to move forward. Life is short to be unhappy. I am happy anyway, If you asked me… I walked with God and I prayed every day… (damn…, I am whining again…), I am old enough, I am tired, I’ve got my plans ahead, and I will not against the will of my father in heaven whatever he wants me to be I will stand, and i will walk on his own will and that is one thing I know for sure. I am happy, very very happy. If fuck things happen on the way, it’s okay. Life goes on in a certain way, each either rough or smooth. we can't avoid it..... just learn from your experience, perhaps you will gain a lesser pain.

however, let's go back to the mainstream, I am still in the process of doing something good, though that I should better go out there and explore the world by walking, doing exercise and by moving my body in healthy ways that help myself lose the pounds I earned, and I am very concerned about my body weight… ah, yeah, aside from that I need to feel the freedom on the outside world. And also you know like somewhat kinda losing the pounds if you walk three to four times in a row on the square type downtown, it’s not really a hard thing to do.

Walking is something I can do that I am free to be me and not worry what people think. You don't have to be a certain age, or color, or gender, or pretend, or anything, you don't have to be or say anything but what is you. You can speak your mind, or exert your feelings by walking, if your sad, walk. If your mad, walk, If your frustrated, walk.

So, I thought to share this passion of mine, a passion for God and a passion of walking.

My mood: 3.2/10

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a few things in my mind

Day 98

Well, my days was good but there were just had a few things in my mind that should be clear out. sometimes I just don't know what to do. Sometimes i got confused if the pain hurts me inside of my heart and soul specially my spirit but anyway i am thankful to have Marivic the woman stood next to me and i am trying so hard not to think about something bad and just move on with my life with her, because I just want to love her for the rest of my life. I really need to say, I am delight, and i am very happy most of the day that I am spending time with her talking of over the phone.

I'm so happy that she overwhelmed my life, I am so happy we comfort each other at rough times. and we always talked about if something there were having misunderstanding was going on with us, and i never let the day pass without resolving the issues, in the sense that if ever we felt something were in the bad mood?! i should sit and talk to her. and i know that once get things better it will be getting better and better. and i should always remind the good things when we have been together and not the bad things, of course. bad things will ruin your world.

trust me if you don't have the support on the relationship it will never make it through. i am glad that she’s back to me and help me because she knows that i am trying to get through this and it's getting really hard at times if I felt worried and scared. It makes me weak and sad. My emotions are up and down but I going to fix it myself and i am physically trying to put myself back again because that is the right thing to do. I keep praying to god to help me deal with this in the way that she knows that i need the help but she’s working on it.

Actually, There are days where i go without sleep because i am scared that i am going to lose her and my emotions is freaking out. But i am greatful she never lost patience to me. I love her to be in my life because sometimes i just don't understand most of the things going on in my life, i am not perfect, I'm human that can feel the pain and suffer. anyway i just know that in my heart and soul and things are going to be alright i have faith in god and how he works and i am trying to live my life on god’s way.

I need to think the good times we shared, and i am happy that she's not in pain anymore and i just want things to be okay and i am just trying to forget the negative things and be brave because that’s the things she would wanted me to be.

i am feeling her love inside my body, my mind, my soul and in my spirit and it's a good feeling to see her again. next time wearing her long tail wedding gown, walking to the isles.

my mood: 1.3/10

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