Monday, April 12, 2010

what do i live for....?

Monday, April 12, 2010
day 247

I don’t know why, I never was like this, i was happy, i would never lock myself in my room and stay alone. I don't know what happen, what changed, it just sprung on me that i have nothing to live for. 

i wake up to nothing new, nothing exciting, my friends ask me why i don't talk much anymore, i would never answer them, I just leave and put my hands in my pocket and never look back. 

so one day they stop talking to me and left the table we sit at, but I don’t care, I can live alone and die alone, it's now a year on and i'm still the same, so tell me , what do i live for....?

my mood: 5.5/10.



I was feeling just like this for quite some time. Sometimes everything I did seemed so useless. I'm only 18, but the future scared me because I could see nothing in it. I asked myself the same question : what do I live for?
perhaps our situations are different and you might just brush my advice aside because of this, but when a person feels this way, you sort of need...motivation to act even when you're not sure what it is you are doing it for.
I don't have a perfect answer. Right now i am just living for HOPE that things will Change. Now, to motivate myself to do things, I have this new habit of whispering to myself "fight!". sometimes i have to repeated a lot of times to act on it because that same question pops in to my head, but I do it. Even if it's just going to school...:]


@lupe our situations are different, you are at the age of a teenager and most probably teen depression most common for the adolescent, you should take care of your mood, so it will not gettin worst.

although i am depressed most of the time. because of my situation that occur from the past, i felt pretty sick and now i feel better, because of the happy pills... and almost a month now i havnt taken my meds, yet my mood was still okay. so i permanently stopped it... but my mood it seems like a roller coaster. ups and downs.

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