just love her the way she deserved

day 212

I just woke up with a dream, I thought it was real… I tried to delete it into my memories but it wasn’t successful till I didn’t put into words… here it goes…

I love everything about her… no doubt to think about it.., but my thought’s wandered why I'm dying. am I still dreaming..?! I've loved her so long, and I build my whole world with her.. but I am fading…. I don’t know how they see me… How can anyone see me when I can no longer see myself?

I thought I am the star of my dreams but why I live in the shadows of fear. I think I used to give more light. But all was dark….. am I scared?! ... I tried to touch her but she doesn’t feel my existence…. 

Wheeew!… it’s so hard….! I know there’s something wrong in the past…… because nothing makes everything alright at the present. How could it be? A Glimpse of my present?! 

I sat back and i look up… The rivers flow, crashing down across my cheek. I’d wish for peace, but nothingness is what I seek. I know she loves me… and I know she’s trying to save me in the past… I’ve been warned for good… 

Did I do something wrong in the past?!… because it seems the woman i love is no longer exist in the present or it is me no longer exist in her present. How could it be? 

And again the rivers flow, crashing down across my cheek. I’d wish for peace, but nothingness is what I seek and I saw a silent man sitting across the river... but it seems it was raining on his side… I came nearer to him and I asked him,

“why you are alone? and why it was alotta rain in your side”

he said “why don’t you ask you self?!”…

I sat beside him and he continued…. 

“Anyway… I’ve been weak.. and I don’t want her to see me how weak I really am; if I say it out loud it will be true…”

he take a deep breath... and he said "it was dark and raining… I almost couldn't hear her voice because of the heavy rain pouring… and were both shouting at the street… and she’s crying out loud… her heart is crashing… I felt her pain… it seems like I am killing her emotionally… perhaps she's dying inside, and i felt she can't take it any longer...

this is what I said to her, ” You shouldn’t LOVE ME! I can't be good for you! but I can’t live without you!”

and she run away, I didn’t finish what I wanted to say…. I never thought that it was too painful… I shouldn’t have said it.. but it’s too late. I really love her but I'm too weak…”

and he said ” hey!...you should wake up by now”

I woke up… and I still heard his last word fading in my thoughts.

“just love her the way she deserved....and you will not see me alone” then he was gone..

my mood: 2.4/10.