catastrophe

Day 203

I really don’t know what happen to our world today, something quite strange is goin on, they said that global warming isn’t real, it was a scam. But I don’t know why this things happening, anyway I just wanna keep my prayers to all men, women and children’s that have been hit by these natural calamities.

first this year was Haiti. Now, Chile and Hawaii are in trouble. I will extend my prayer for those people who has lost their love ones, May the Lord protect the men and women in these troubled times and help the families to heal the wound from their heart.

I hope it’s not yet a sign for the revelation that has been written in the bible.

my mood: 2.6/10.

In my room

day 202

Friday, house works, nothing change for my Friday routine, it was same old days, I just only doin house works, wash my laundry and take some nap, have some chat for a while.

sitting here tonight, I'm always alone in my room, listening to my tutorial, sometimes I really need to upgrade my skills.. anyway, again I begin to wonder if I am trully living my life to the fullest. I'm not hanging out with my few good friends outside…. i need to be alone for sometimes.. or enjoying myself alone time in my room?I need to move forward, i don’t want to be alone forever...

I try to make the best of every situation and I always look for the best in every situation and the best in people, but is that really enough I know its not enough, and I am very satisfied with my life as it is right now, I cant turn back time.

There have been times when I have allowed myself to cross that line and do something totally outside my comfort zone and everything has worked out fine in the end, but will it always be that way? or if I am just fine staying here at home.

The life and the culture in here is really big different. However, I feel fine staying here when I am at home,and I don’t care if I missed something if I'm not outside.., I am more safe here in the room.. no regrets…

My mood: 1.5/10.

I will keep it

day 201 - part 2

I love you every single day of my life and you make me look forward for a new day. You know that you make me feel happy all the time?!..and you always makes me laugh?! you put smile on my face and it was a good sign for me.

If this a dream I wish I will never wake up, I love you, there is no turning back, no regrets. there’s no one to blame, if I hit hard again to the ground, I will just hug it and I will keep it in my heart. and I will remember those things that you make me laugh and start to forget everything.

There are no words to express what I feel for you. one thing I know, I just fallin in love with you.

a simple love letter and another scratch from my head.

my mood: 1.5/10.

a scene in my vision

Day 201

Thursday, another day I woke up with lots of stories comes up in my mind, and I couldn’t stop it to flow, I was stunned sometimes because of the vision inside of my head that its telling me to draw it all the scene that will comes up into the picture and I don’t know how to start and I don’t know how to end it. wheeww I dont know what is this all about.

I will try everything to jot down all the vision that I will remember that flows inside my head. If I couldn’t draw or to write something about it, my mood is something very low. Anyway..here’s another scene, sorry but I only have pen to draw. I'm not an artist anymore. I just a normal guy who trying to take back my skills..

my mood: 1.5/10.

i dont get it

Day 200

Wednesday, I don't get it, for all those months that I have been blogging I never thought that I can draw and I can used my drawings as my photo blogs, I don’t get it..

I should really start to post my drawings and yet i didnt buy the real stuff for drawing..and im still using pen.. I don’t care what it's look likes.. nobody will put comment anyway..

my mood: 1.5/10.

will

day 199

Tuesday, i watch youtube cartoon animation videos and I'd been surprised because there’s a bunch of movie’s edited by other people that I thought the work of art was professional. so I’ve been Impressed and inspired to work for it.

then I remember my previous job when I was in the Philippines. The work that it’s been my hobby since i was a little boy and I love to do but I already forgot those stuff. I know I don’t have a gift but I have the will to practice. at the moment i dont have any matterials to practice. i will start from the scratch.

My mood: 1.5/10.

wassup!

Day 198

Hey, everyone! just thought I'd say wassup! I had a hella long day today. Lots of work, I'm damn pretty tired and there is no time to go to the gym or be headin' to basketball.. it’s my sports.

You know I don’t want to be lazy with myself, sometimes I need to work out, goin to the gym its fun.. but my work took it all most of my time. I mean, I all day I felt like I was gonna pass out from exhaustion!! I was almost late to goin home. im totally passed out.

my mood: 1.5/10.

wonderful day!

Day 197

I don’t know what happens to me today, what I know I had such a good day today. It was truly one of the best day but I can’t think for something to blog, I don’t have some thoughts to jot down.

I really don’t know and I have a way so much time reading other blogs, catching some good ideas to write but I don’t get anything, instead I just sitting here at the computer waiting for my thoughts to flow.

Anyway, I end up listening to my IPOD, full volume so nobody will disturb me.

keep smiling because today is wonderful.

following tracks

day 196 part 3

In the morning, it was a lovely moment when the sun is about to rise and the day is about to begin, but my head is quite heavy, I had a headache. I didn’t sleep well and i felt sad to myself because I'm doing something not appropriate to other people.

I don’t know why I'm doing it and I don’t know why I am following tracks for other people and I found myself reading about their recent and past activities, am I stalker? Why I need something to know about them? Is it worth it? I sit here and think what has happened so far in my life. i know it was good, and it looks good.

but why I’ve been worried? what happen to me? am i confused? I need to rest, I have a migraine again, i cant think well, I took 3 Paracetamol at the moment but still I’d felt the pain, I am feeling weak and I'm stressed and I am tired for controlling my mood, i dont want the beast goes out.

I need to go home and sleep, perhaps i will calm down. i want to stop my thoughts to flow just for a while. forget the thing that arent worth it.

my mood: 1.3/10.

i know im being selfish

day 196 part 2

you know I'm in love with you, and i imagined that it will last forever. i love you so much more thatn you know, and it turns out that this love becomes so sweet enough to melt in for me. i love you with the best i can but you just made your heart hard to me to feel my love with you.

i know i am being selfish and somehow I couldn't help being captivated by it. I know I'm being selfish and I don't want to share you to anybody else. and Let me lock you up and never let anyone see you. i know i am sounds stupid, but what i know i am totally in love with you. and i will always love you... even it will take me to the next life.

my mood: 1.6/10.

You got to let go

day 196

I don’t know what to say today, I guess my mood is okay. there is no so much to say about myself today, I guess I'm just happy, if I am happy I write less and if I am sad or down I write a lot.

Anyway, I wonder one day someone come through my window just like a Princess, dress like a princess for his Prince charming… hahahahaha funny fairtales.. but I know it will not gonna happen… just dreaming…

just dreaming for something like we drink, we dance, laughing, enjoyed the moments, hmmmp, we tossed and turned between sheets, filled with lust and love between our body's touching rubbing up against each other; kiss after kiss; touch after touch it came time to let go and so I did....

They say nothing lasts forever; they say the storm can't last forever; your pain won’t last forever; the sun will come out and shine out soon to help you let it go... You got to let go..... if you just playing around.

my mood: 1.3/10

He just look down

day 195

Today, I'm on a hurry… hurry, hurry, hurry because I Woke up kinda late today, I'm gonna late, late, late.. but I feel okay…. I feel happy… whew…anyway I catch the driver…. But he wants me to drive the car?… yes he wants me to drive the car..., okay… no license, no papers, no nothing, just a balls… 

then I ask him “are you okay?” He just look down… 

I glance at the clouds, I can still see the stars light and it’s so nice and cold outside. It’s still dark, its seems there is no policeman on the road yet. I started to move into the highway. 

he’s not okay…the first thoughts that came to my mind.. he missed his family… he started to cry a bit, damn emo… I didn’t see Indians cryin… and while we are on the road he started to tell me his family issues… damn it… he never stop crying… so I drove him to a store and let him buy some breakfast… so he will forget about his emotional problems…and let him eat to death.. 

I stayed at the car, imagined myself.. what about me? I love to own a family of my own, but my life is here. I'm not happy to live here.. for the most part of my life being here is a waste of time, i just look only for the money and I miss my home. I miss my family. I miss being loved, I missed to fuck, damn it, I never used my manhood since a long time... boring… it wasn’t nice.. 

next we talk again a lot but it's not the same as before, I think he already let it out while we are on the road, I think his okay now... 

however.. I think of her, I missed her, Sometimes i just want to talk for a few minutes just to be with someone you know who loves me.. I miss being loved. 

Then drive to work and I was listening to the music on the radio,... I don’t want to hear his damn emo again he just make me feel unhappy.. 

my mood: 1.4/10.

and you whisper

day 194

Every day is full of passion, seeing you is worth living, dreaming about you is not ordinary task. Anyhow, I dreamt that you’re dragging me along to the isles of happiness and I see you smiling looking at me.

I asked you, “when you will marry me”… you just take a deep breath and you whisper… “I love you” and you gave me a sweet smile and a hard hug... seeing you happy Is my passion.

you said I'm yours forever, nobody could touch me but only you. you sealed me with your love and cares… and declared that you own me forever… but then when I asked you… “when you will marry me?” you just take a deep breath and you whisper… “I love you” and you gave me a sweet smile and cuddle me around… and i see you happy, I feel complete.

the air was cold and where both dancing in the pouring rain thinking that the happiness would never ever last forever, and believe for the gift of love will never last. but then i asked you one more time “when you will marry me?” you just take a deep breath and you whisper… “I love you” and you gave me a sweet smile and you hold me tight… and i see you happy, I feel your comfort.

but suddenly i saw you crying...and vanished.. .. my heart left broken into the pouring rain.

I woke up, my eyes are weeping ,.. it’s only a dream...

Anyway, I wish I never wake up and let me love you fully and never give up to fight. Let me drown you in my love forever. Let me show you how much I love you… I know love is a tricky thing but I will do the risk.

my mood: 1.2

keep the smile

Day 193

Wow! Feeling good is great, and I really don’t want to remember the last time I’ve been depressed, but everything has been jot down, i got on my blogs to let everything's out.

I hope there will be a lot of changes.... darn thing…. Funny but I learn something from my older post and i have released so much of the drama that kept following me around. been tryin to deal with ma lil black cloud since then, trying to figure out how it happens but, Done is done. we cant bring back the time.

Amazing, I thought I been dead for a long time ago...havnt smiled so big in a long time. no one agrees with my feelings, but now it will gonna be a different one. I’ll gonna keep my happiness forever and keep the smile on my face till getting older.

my mood: 1.3/10.

THE ONLY ONE

day 192

I sit in my hot seat, I am at work, she’s at home, happy to chat with her every morning feeling like fully charged, if you know what I mean… funny.. but I am so happy... and every time I am alone it gives me a chance to reflect on everything of her and I have been through since I been started chatting to her online. however online relationship it was really fun, but scary, but I'm nothing to do with it, I don’t have a choice, just to let myself dance with the rain.

I missed her and i was too occupied to think of her often. I don’t know which one is the best choice I should made, quitting my work here? just to stay with her? but financial speaking will get involved to it, but I don’t know if she’s ready, I don’t know what is the right process, hoping to live someone to whom you love forever.

I don’t know when I should say I'm home now? when I should say I’ve got a family to protect? When I should say I’ve got a beautiful kids to raise.. amazing but it was true.. when I see her more I am terribly missed her, I talk to her more and it's building us day by day...

The Valentine's Day it has lost its appeal to me. This woman gives me peace in a life full of uncertainty and chaos. She stands by my side and defends me with every fiber of her being. She inspires me, drives me and gives me hope unlike anyone or anything else. She is my drug and I'm an addict.

I don’t know when know we are destined to spend the rest of our lives together. You know each one, there's always that one person. The person that makes you almost cry tears of joy and give thanks to God for bringing them into your life. The person that just makes you feel like you are THE ONLY ONE. That's her. She's mine. This is for you I hope you know that you find the courage to discover the true meaning of what love is all about

my mood: 1.6/10.

Post cards 14 - for my valentine

Happy Valentine’s Day?!

Day 191

I thought that someone understood me for who I was, I thought someone who love me for who I was, valentine’s day it’s never been better to me, but lovers will be lovers. I should clean my closet, to stuck and locked myself for another days to come, I’ll get out when it’s done. life is too young and too old to understand and yet there’s a lot of hearts to come, but little time to learn, love is blind, it never been understand when lies comes first. I hate myself, I hate myself If I’m down in a while, I never thought that I could felt this way, I don’t like to feel this way, ever!

I knew for the moment beyond I expect the darker side of doubt that I was going through, I will escape from the time I could talk, cause I know simple written words is like a sharp blade could slice the hearts into pieces. Putting all thoughts together could harms feelings for someone who reads.

I had no clue for what life’s ahead, who’s with me, and where I wanted to go. I don’t know if this is because I am scared to try or am just genuinely confused with myself. It sucks. I see all of my classmates, from both high school and college, and they know what they wish to do and they are making their dreams come true. I am just floating along, trying to fulfill the expectations everyone has for me.

today, I don’t feel much inspired, I’m down, down, down, sentiment overwhelmed, emotions overtaken and programs disrupted, nobody knows who am i.. being positive for almost every day even though I know that this is the only way to get somewhere in life, to survive in the empty space of my heart. I still see the disappointment and I feel immensely guilty that it is my fault the disappointment I knew.

True, I put a lot of pressure on myself. and I don’t understand myself and I feel like I need to figure out who I am, I don’t know myself anymore. I am just terrified that who I become is going to be a major disappointment to everyone. Perhaps I've been existed at the wrong time, I don’t want to be this way…

My mood: 5.6/10.

Happy valentines!

Day 190

Tomorrow, valentine’s day, lovers are happy for the reserved rooms they made. Well! you can imagined the places inside the room.. wow magnificent right?!…its selectable at the reception... its awesome… solo, alone.. private just for lovers. and it just around the corner, just drive in… turn left… done..!

spending time for whom you love, wow, nice one… a moment to spent… memories to look back… perhaps it live traces from the past… happiness could look back… well nice memories… I'm happy for those people who found love and be loved….

But.. Whew!...well another year spending moments alone… very alone… broken hearted…. However, Love is a blessing and if you've found it cherish it and take care of it because now days is really hard to find good kind of love. Handle with care…

So and for all of you that are like me single on this day don't lose hope there will be another valentine days its not end of the world yet just be prepared and there will be someone special for you...right? well let’s not lose hope and just have faith that somewhere around the planet... there's your other half looking for you just as you are waiting and looking for the one for them.

my mood: 1.5/10.

putting thoughts to a written words…

Day 189

Friday, I woke up late… ive got a migraine and a free headache in my head.. that’s why I stayed up late at bed instead. but it seems okay…, I’m not feeling down… my Fridays is great… I'm happy I always talked to some special to me, whom I know she’s been treated me so very closed to her. anyway.. today.. gotta lot of house works to be done…… whewww.. too much works… its seems it isn’t my rest day.. its freakin Friday..

Gotta mail?! happy valentines!, wow!! It was too fast… I didn’t become aware valentines is coming.. I don’t know… How the days was moving fast… the valentine's weekend has begun...and it was almost done. everyone is doing something good to their special one or someone they love.

perhaps bars, hotels, motels, gotta lot of moneys to earn, everyone is with someone.. except me… I will locked up myself at my closest.. crazy thing called love… only those people gotta gift of love to be loved… but not for me… this is me.. there is where I am…. I live with these… just putting thoughts to a written words…

my mood: 1.7/10.

the last message

Day 188 – sundayscribblings # 201- message

Am I dreaming? Is it real? I woke up with the light shine on my face, my eyes were still closed, the shine was too bright to see, I raised my hand to cover my face, I never thought you were there, watching me… I glance my eyes slowly towards your face shining, I saw your breathtaking eyes and smile it seems overwhelmed my heart and my spirit and took me away into the wonderful world of happiness, the everlasting happiness that i never felt since i was a kid. I hope it could be real. I hope the happy feelings will never stop, it’s very difficult to find happiness in this real world.

I hope it wasn’t a dream, wishing you will stay with me, I pray you'll never lose your way. now I felt my heart is squeezing, wishing if I could only touch your face, and embrace you just a moment. wishing if I could only touch you just for one minute, just one minute, if that happens, I wish I will never wake up and I will keep you in my dreams forever.

you complete me, I will find you, I will find a way, It would that makes every things okay, sooner. I don’t have fear, you're near I never fear, I know world is filled of lust and evil. there a lotta trials to challenge but I will never give up, I will stand still, I know with the love of God, there is time for me to rise. I can’t wait, I never wait. I push myself to the limit till I’ll get near.

But if you don’t love me, perhaps I know I can never have you. then I will not wake up, ill choose not to wake up. I know emotional torture is the deadliest cruel thing that I can’t hold on. But I hope I will stay a little bit longer to say the last message “I love you so much”.

My mood: 1.5/10.

locked at the closet

day 187

I wish I could be strong person inside and outside, but I haven’t got it in me since I started to know love, I am always a loser, not even chances to be loved although I know I am losing pride for the one I love the most and I never got lucky.

I can't seem to deal with anything. Not anything, I always found myself locked at the closet till I got slept, with hearth broken, heart has been crush out. No one is here for you. everyone lie’s to you. no one is pure.

my mood: 6.5/10.

Smallville- find a way

day 186

Smallville - find a way - safetysuit

Hold on, what's the rush, what's the rush we're not done are we

Cause I don't need to change this atmosphere we've made if

You can stay one more hour, can you stay one more hour

You know I'm gonna find a way to let you have your way with me

You know I'm gonna find a time to catch your hand and make you stay

Hold on, I'll be here when it's all done you know

Cause what's the point in chasing if I can't enjoy your face and

We can't be wrong tonight, can we be wrong tonight

You know I'm gonna find a way to let you have your way with me

You know I'm gonna find a time to catch your hand and make you stay

I don't care what clothes you wear, it's time to love and I don't care

You know I'm gonna find a way to let you have your way with me

And if I was running, you'd be the one who I would be running to

And if I was crying, you would be lining the cloud that would pull me through

And if I was scared, then I would be glad to tell you and walk away

But I am not lying, I am just trying to find my way in to you

You know I'm gonna find a way to let you have your way with me

You know I'm gonna find a time to catch your hand and make you stay

I don't care what clothes you wear, it's time to love and I don't care

You know I'm gonna find a way to let you have your way with me

If I was running

If I was crying

If I was scared

You know I'm gonna find a way to let you have your way with me

***

if you really love the person you should find a way.

my mood: 2.5/10.

old friend

Day 185

Gotta Lots of conversation over the phone, gotta lots of issues to talk about to open something that really need to share the reoccurring depression I had. to a friend Is feeling in a much better mood than yesterday!!! its funny how an old friend and a good distraction can pick your spirits up =] Still glad i can blog though... otherwise i'd probably just wither away and die in a corner somewhere... No big deal or anything.. At least this is better than me talking out loud to myself.. by myself.. in a padlocked room..

Anyway I should thinking on the bright side of me. So... Considering i wrote anything yesterday, i actually dont have much to say... Chatted with strangers... no big deal or anything.. So yesterday i was on msn and i kinda checked out a friend via webcam... hahahahahahah!!! it was brilliant of me.. then i was like oh shit wtf am i doing? Then i didnt think bout it cuz i didnt think it was such a big deal.. cuz it wasnt right? haha good times!!!! But i actually dont have anything else to say.... but I am happy to have a talk to a closed friend.

My mood: 7.5/10.

happy pills

day 184

I actually today I don’t have much to say.. I am just pretty tired from work and considering my mood was pretty down since yesterday and today as well.. I'm sure tonight it will getting more bad…

i should sleep early so I can’t do anything bad to myself… but my sleeping pills was finished just last week. anyway i will ask for a happy pills if there was. I should really need to consult a doctor, perhaps to help myself.

My mood: 5.9/10.

feeling weak

Day 183

I am doing a lot better today than yesterday. But I'm still feeling weak, I don’t know if I'm okay now, I still having my meds three times a day. Now I don't talk too much unless it’s necessary, Besides there’s not much to talk about, if I talk more my head getting heavier.

anyway I haven't hung out with anyone really in a long while, and am supposed to play basketball every Thursday and have swimmimg on every Friday morning but now not anymore.

at the moment I already have too many things to make up... I hope I can do this, I hope everything is goin  better for next couple of months.

My mood: 4.5/10.

Milestone

Day 182 – sundayscribblings #200- milestone

I’ve reached a milestone in my lives, and I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel about it but I didn’t think the feeling would be like this! I have a bright future ahead of me, good enough to support my needs. Why do I feel like the world suddenly got a lot darker?”

I just feel like something’s missing. I’ve spent the past ten years or so thinking I would never make it and now I’m here. So what do I do now? How am I supposed to deal with this feeling? I’ve lost something. I’ve lost it and I don’t know what it is, and I can’t get it back.

the diner was empty…

It’s not about finding what i’ve lost, it’s about understanding why I’ve lost it. I don’t know if I'm right. I’ve reached a milestone, and i’ll reach others after this. But there’s no need to feel overwhelmed. There’s still hope in the world and i need to realize it.

Sure, i’ve lost something. i’ve lost my childhood, and I'd  lost some friends, and I am leaving behind the current way of life for something good for me and it’s not probably confusing to me and that doesn’t mean the world is dark. It just means that i’ve got to adjust a little.

And never forget that I lost it.

I smiled. “And never forget that I’d lost it.” i will be back.

My mood: 3.5/10.

25 random things

day 181

25 random things

learn "25 random things” about your friend and let them learn 25 random things about you. once you have been tagged choose up to 25 people to be tagged (revenge!). You have to tag the person who have been tagged you. If I tagged you it means I like to learn something about you..

I don’t know why I’ve been tagged, I just live in the quiet peaceful place in the land of the Arabs ”Saudi arabia” which I know the place was sound fishy, but not in the home of the royal king. Anyway I love the story of "Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves in the town of persia”.

Back to the main line. They’ve got rules.. I never done this before… I don’t know where to start but I’ll just follow the rules it so simple… I’ve done 100 dare things to do before I die… and I think it was probably closed enough.

So okay, I let you learn 25 things about me.

Sorry guys, I broke the rules I prepared my question

Here’s my “25 random things”:

1. what is your age? HEY! DON’T ASK MY AGE… ITS PRIVATEEE!!!!.... (I don’t like to ask my age… I don’t know why…) anyway my age is 360 years old.

2. What are you thinking now? I really hate to think that I really don’t know what to say about myself… I really don’t know myself… and I am still thinking… am I good? Or bad?

3. Do you own a gun? No I don’t have it, I don’t even dreamt to have it, I can kill people without second thought. It was my mom’s comment when I was a teenager in Tondo Manila, that’s why she pushed me to work here. I’m a very low temper person.

4. What is your favorite movie? My favorite… Back to the future 1,2,3. Star wars trilogy, star trek, pirates of the Caribbean, AVATAR.

5. What's your favorite piece of jewelry? My engagement ring

6. What do you think of banaba? Well, I got more wildest imagination if the skinny woman swallow it slowly

7. What do you prefer to drink in the morning? coffee at work….. yes its free.

8. Current worry right now? Wedding…

9. doing Exercise? Yes I'm doing exercise but it was stopped because I took a slight surgery but hoping this week I’ll be back to fitness center.

10. Favorite hobbies? Reading, playing basketball every Thursday, swimming, doing flash cs3 works.

12. What's one trait that you hate about yourself? My weight

13. Tell me about your screen name(wolverine) avatar? I took it for my last vacation, I watch movie together with my fiancée on my last vacation, and it was really memorable to me.

14. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment? I want her to feel better now, I hope she WILL stay the same, HOW MANY QUESTION DO I HAVE MORE. These blogs should be private..

15. Three drinks I drink most often? Water, coffee, tea

16. tried to pull open the doot that said push? it always happened at the seven eleven store
17. worse injury you've ever had? my right knee injury i couldn't walk straight for a year.

18. Favorite place to be? home with my love one

19. Like to Travel? I do, I just don't get to that often

20. How you will treat your girl friend? like a princess

21. How many TVs do you have in your house? None. There’s no time to watch TV

22. what is your favorite songs? pinoy alternative songs, rivermaya(rico), eraserheads(ely), the beatles(foreign) john lennon

23. What color shirt are you wearing? Company uniform

24. Got you salary increase? Hey! Enough it’s too private! if someone would give me a gun I will kill you myself…! NO SALARY INCREASE!,, WORK INCREASE…!

25. Where do you imagine being in five years? I DON’T KNOW, NO IDEA… I GUESS, I WILL BE HERE EXACTLY AS I AM.

are we done yet?

-----

Revenge is futile:

1. jomar http://jomar-lifeblog.blogspot.com/

2. http://beanizersinstincts.blogspot.com/2010/01/also-victim-25-random-things.html

3. http://bluebirdyliving.blogspot.com/

4. MADALINA http://madalina-feelings.blogspot.com/
5. MALDITA http://justwannashareu.blogspot.com/

6. JOLLY PRINCESS http://smile4meonline2.blogspot.com/

7. Chula http://myeverydaypain.blogspot.com/

8. Ambiguous angel http://angelslittlesecret.blogspot.com/

9. crystal http://www.heyckm.blogspot.com/

10.ningli http://www.carnivorousvixen.blogspot.com/

my mood: 2.5/10.

it could be so easy

Day 180

everything is so crazy. I never thought that it could be so easy….. I don’t know what to say but I am ready for this, and it’s really tough one, I was definitely taking it slowly. It was really hurting me at night before I sleep..but I don’t want to go into detail, (it’s not a good thing to say something about it)…, and I just woke up around 4:30am feeling sick, and still took a bathed early morning.

I didn’t took my meds for the whole day yesterday, I been able to fall back asleep when I came back to work, and I was in a hurry to open my laptop to view something worth interesting. I just surprised and I can’t say anything about it. I was definitely stun and move back to sleep. I never thought that it just so easy.

I need to be happy cause now I wouldn't have to suffer anymore for my depression, it was not really good thing to be on that state, I felt sorry. If you know what I mean. we all know that I live alone, and I really don’t to want come back to it anymore. the positive thought should be there. Anyway, even though I wasn't feeling okay, i had made plans and I was going to go through with it…

damn it! my February was crazy… I don’t know where this thought goes, I just jot down everything what was my thought to say… I don’t even took a second look from where this thoughts drive me through. Sounds crazy… but its happening…

My mood: 3.5/10.

extremely tired

day 179

Today, it’s not really a good day, and also last night I can’t sleep. I haven't been like this for at least a months. I don't understand what is going on, I’ve got confused. I have had so many things running through my mind lately. I am stressed about work, planning my life, I’ve been confused for something else as well. and work has been stressing me out since my boss came around from leave.

I am taking the headaches once again, but I took meds for my migraine if suddenly will occurr, but its okay, I can live with it. however, its getting harder, Now I really don’t want my life which makes hard to go again from now, I don’t have to be confused and perhaps I need help, I'm tired. my head sometimes getting heavier than before and it just leaves me more confused.

I don’t know maybe Just a little stressful I must say or I just missing my normal habit to someone specially or because for some reason I have been extremely tired lately. I have also been having stomach problems since last week I can’t eat well but I'm gaining weight. hmmp, bad so far, i dont have enough exercise since i went to a slight surgery, i need more weeks and anyway I am fine, there's no turning back. I think I am going to go see a normal doctor again and get check out and see if there is something I am missing.

my mood: 4.5/10.

day dreaming

Day 178

day dreaming, i don’t know what was happening to me today, I'm always out of my mind, I cant get focus on my job, my thought was flying every minute, thought for the wonderful things that I wish it will happen.

I wish It could be.. anyhow, have you ever wished for something to happen and swore that by all odds you will be able to witness it then suddenly it came true and turns out? It sounds crazy… i know.. fairy tales..

my mood: 2.3/10.