Happy Valentine’s Day?!

Day 191

I thought that someone understood me for who I was, I thought someone who love me for who I was, valentine’s day it’s never been better to me, but lovers will be lovers. I should clean my closet, to stuck and locked myself for another days to come, I’ll get out when it’s done. life is too young and too old to understand and yet there’s a lot of hearts to come, but little time to learn, love is blind, it never been understand when lies comes first. I hate myself, I hate myself If I’m down in a while, I never thought that I could felt this way, I don’t like to feel this way, ever!

I knew for the moment beyond I expect the darker side of doubt that I was going through, I will escape from the time I could talk, cause I know simple written words is like a sharp blade could slice the hearts into pieces. Putting all thoughts together could harms feelings for someone who reads.

I had no clue for what life’s ahead, who’s with me, and where I wanted to go. I don’t know if this is because I am scared to try or am just genuinely confused with myself. It sucks. I see all of my classmates, from both high school and college, and they know what they wish to do and they are making their dreams come true. I am just floating along, trying to fulfill the expectations everyone has for me.

today, I don’t feel much inspired, I’m down, down, down, sentiment overwhelmed, emotions overtaken and programs disrupted, nobody knows who am i.. being positive for almost every day even though I know that this is the only way to get somewhere in life, to survive in the empty space of my heart. I still see the disappointment and I feel immensely guilty that it is my fault the disappointment I knew.

True, I put a lot of pressure on myself. and I don’t understand myself and I feel like I need to figure out who I am, I don’t know myself anymore. I am just terrified that who I become is going to be a major disappointment to everyone. Perhaps I've been existed at the wrong time, I don’t want to be this way…

My mood: 5.6/10.