Wednesday, January 20, 2010

how to start a new life?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Day 166

Wednesday, hoping for a new days to come, hoping to drop the past and keep moving forward, I hate to say that I'm still standing at the past. how do I Move forward? how could I ever forget the past? how could i heal my wounds that keep hurting me inside? it seems like a sharp blade stick on my chest pushing down slowly and the pain is really quite dying for… How could I convince myself that it’s all over now? I don’t know why I always remember the past. why I don’t ever stop keep thinking for the past? why I keep hurting myself? i'm fuckin sick!

How to encourage myself that I should better start a new life? what the hell I suppose to tell to myself that I need to move forward? I don’t want to feel helpless. I am losing hope. I cannot do it if I am alone. I live alone, I am all alone. I'm living like hell on this place. I used to live in the Philippines, but now I live in Yanbu Kingdom of Saudi Arabia for a job that my country difficult to provide. Well, job is okay. physically I’m okay. but my thought and emotion is driving me crazy. I am so freakin tired. I don’t have much power to energize myself.

I miss my homeland, I miss everything, I don't want to end my life here. I just want to live happy, not to be alone anymore. I lost my happiness, my energy and my hope. i slept 2 to 3 hours a day, I lost weight, no good appetite, I work long hours, and I am apart to my spouse and its really getting me worried and down every time. I am always been depressed. I am tired of living this way. I don’t know when it will be over.

My mood: 6.7/10.

2 comments:

YAM

so you are Filipino??
you can always visit home if you think it will make you happy:)

cheer up, there so many things you should be thankful for..

chris

A Job and Money there is Always a Solution to this Problem
But Being lonely and Depressed is this what you want ?

 
◄Design by Pocket, BlogBulk Blogger Templates. Distributed by Deluxe Templates