i wish i will never wake up

day 155

i have a very sad news today, i am thinking that this is the year, a new leaf of my life could change my fate forever but I am wrong. i have had a bad day for the first day of the month of 2010, crazy, I know… there is no reason why I'm not in the mood for the last couple of days, I already asked myself why and i just presumed that those days it just a bad day. But now I know why. Those bad days it was my warning. I could sense there is a hardest challenge waiting for me along the way and it was happening now and its really, really bad.

and for the past years I've been living here alone. A new leaf, A new fate, A new hope to be with her in spirit. I always love her since the day I knew her. she’s my new life.... with her I feel I am almost one step closer to my goal. To be with her is the only one thing that I need in life. I know I have her, but I want her to be so closed to me, to be next to me, to be here with me forever. she's my missing piece. I have seen her for three weeks during my vacation and almost 2 years we are playing for the waiting game and I almost lost her. i almost lost myself as well. life is too short. But my life is just began.

now another year, another new challenge on my empty pages will be written. i thought waiting is over but we are not done yet were still playing the same game. how long? I don’t know. to wait is the hardest thing I think I had. i lost my life here. i am wasting my time to wait. I know waiting it’s a damn boring, it’s a fuckin boring. But I’ll take the risk.

I know there is always be a bad things gonna happen along the path, along the journey that I chose to walk, I know Once i get closer the hardest challenge i will risk. it’s my fate. but its not the end of the world yet. i am still standing. i will not give up. but if i am dreaming i wish i will never wake up.

my mood: 6.5/10.