my mood swing

My day 153

I hate my mood swings, I want to get over it. I’m freaken out, it’s annoying, I can’t tell how I feel right now. I am in the down mood syndrome- I don’t want her to worry about me, not enough to worry about right now without adding me to her thoughts. I don't want to complicate her life anymore, I just want to fix it, even if that's impossible. So last night again it was not a good ending and I am sitting around the house all bloody night I got completely fell in the down mood level.

I am kicking myself, because I am constantly telling myself to be good and careful and not do this sort of thing, I hope I am suitable to her, but I felt there's nothing here for me. I'm too scared of everything to make bad things happen in my life again, so I just keep self-sabotaging, I feel so stupid all the time, and just... I don't know.

I don’t want to really feel something bad, I really had a bad day since the first day of January 2010, I'm numb, inside and out. I don't even know why I'm writing this, none of it matters, nothing.

My mood: 6.5/10.