Christmas is over

Day 142

Today, I woke up at 5:30 AM. i woke up with my alarm clock with the same sound of the huge large bell at the church every morning. Christmas is over yesterday and i had stayed at work till night and then I got home late yesterday, I washed my clothes and cleaned my room a bit. Then I talked to her for one and a half hour, then i fell asleep.

today, morning I must got up, I have to go to work. but I did not want to get out of my bed, i just really need to have a sleep just for five minutes more, then I took a nap for five minutes. I wish I could sleep whole day without doing anything and not have to worry for anything. Just to sleep, and hope that I do have a dream at all night seeing her face besides me.

The drive to my work was long and dark. I just cannot help it but to think of how easy things would be if we were together. How easy things would be complete. I should have been thinking about happy life with her, and not having arguments every day. I know someday there will be a perfect things for love a soon as we settled our mind for one thing, but there was no happiness today for me, I still living from the past and always feeling lonely at the moment.

I have had already came along the way and still I have the long way to go for the dreams to fulfill at the future. I don't know what will be the hassle on our journey, i should be ready for it. I know during the journey there will be something it could be happen. I wish i could read their mind, or something that I could see the one minute of the future back tracked. But I am not like that. I am just a normal person that can feel the hurts and pain inside of me. I was never like this. I was never this bad. I was always avoiding issues and that’s why I keep my own boundary to other people so I could at least have a breath without them.

today is no longer Christmas. I am still trying to convince myself that I am something that worth living. I am doing it just hoping I can find one that actually can help my thoughts, and she's doing it now as well, shes doing the right thing for me, were just apart and she's back on the track. It is nice to know that there are others out there that know what goes through my mind every day just reading my blogs, I thank them. for the sincerity of leaving me a comment with positive thoughts.

my mood: 5.0/10.