sleep it off

Day 125

So I haven't been around much the past couple of days -- life has been SO busy at work. I've been up until 6am for two nights in a row trying to think how was my life it would be. But I can't sleep now...I finally have a night where I don't have to do ANYTHING, and I want to enjoy every second of it.

I started doing that...started up my laptop... but I remember something that it wasn’t supposed to remember, I am dead! I hate if my thoughts not to stop thinking this way. this would have brought me to panic attacks and tears. But I just keep it, I know no one will got worried about me. I just let it cool down and decided not to write a Blog to vent for what I feel last night because I know the outcome will be bad.

But now...I feel like it's just another attempt at getting someone’s attention. i need to get over it. I really need to stop myself emotion, Really really soon.... maybe it's better I will stays at my flat slept depressed line than inflating and deflating every other day to my blog. I know it’s not fair . I knows the thought of that scares the shit out of me. I know I am being sensitive then.

I made a promise I will stick to the plans, I will stick to it. I will never try anything like that. I know somehow the promised, and the swears word could not be broken. I really hope it doesn't. I know for the most part this stuff isnt my fault...but I would feel guilty if it came to that.

Anyways. I don't particularly want to talk about that right now. Just thought I'd let it out.

I'm so tired from these past few days...things have been stressful and emotional, and I just really want to sleep it off...so I think I will.

My mood: 6.5/10.