Day 128
It is past midnight, I can't sleep, and I still have to go to work early in the morning, I have to "get up" at 4:30 AM:.
I halfway can't sleep because my idiotic paranoia syndrome and it was disrespectful to me EVERY SINGLE TIME I need to rest... I'm tired of it.
The other half is... I don't know, I still don’t know what I need to do. I never have been able to sleep well, but now it seems to progressively get worse. Too many things cycle in and out of my head so fast... I don't know. i can’t relax.
This is another one of those "I feel alone" nights. which, it's true. I am alone, all the time. It seems to be I am ignored a lot of times..., right, I can say something like "I got headache, I'm stressed, help me, I beg you." I'm excluded and disregarded.
That's not a huge deal, I'm kind of used to it. but everyone needs someone, to look after for yourself someone who truly will focus and care for you, right? you know?
I hope at Christmas time I know I will be alone or feeling alone again on Christmas day, I hope ill have something else to be busy, so at least I'll be doing something different for that time, forget everyone, who i care so much but I am disregarded. Somehow, someday when I get out, I won't be coming back here. I don't want to live here.
But I don't have anywhere else to go... I'm thinking about moving out again, change my phone number, cut all the communication I got at the moment, but I don't know if I can.
If I moved there, I wouldn't have ANY human interaction, period. Is it a bad thing though? I don't know. I guess time will tell.
I don't mind not having friends at all, I just don't like to be excluded from what few friends I have left, if I can even still call them friends.
I just wish that I at least had someone special to share my solitude with, you know? Like... if both of us had no friends but each other... I'd be okay with that, if she was. But I haven't found her yet.
Hopefully someday, she'll magically show up on my doorstep on a cold rainy night and we'll live happily ever after with each other. Yeah, it's not just girls who have fantastical ideas like that...
As of now, I'm stuck here listening to the idiots screaming in the youtube. I can't do anything about it. I hope I get a good dream tonight. I really cant sleep tonight and it was almost 1:00 am, i tried to call but i cant reach her, anyway im tired perhaps i should forget about everything and have a good sleep. nobody will listen and care.
i dont care what kind of a post i have tonight, i guess im not in the mood to proofread it.
My mood: 6.9/10.
It is past midnight, I can't sleep, and I still have to go to work early in the morning, I have to "get up" at 4:30 AM:.
I halfway can't sleep because my idiotic paranoia syndrome and it was disrespectful to me EVERY SINGLE TIME I need to rest... I'm tired of it.
The other half is... I don't know, I still don’t know what I need to do. I never have been able to sleep well, but now it seems to progressively get worse. Too many things cycle in and out of my head so fast... I don't know. i can’t relax.
This is another one of those "I feel alone" nights. which, it's true. I am alone, all the time. It seems to be I am ignored a lot of times..., right, I can say something like "I got headache, I'm stressed, help me, I beg you." I'm excluded and disregarded.
That's not a huge deal, I'm kind of used to it. but everyone needs someone, to look after for yourself someone who truly will focus and care for you, right? you know?
I hope at Christmas time I know I will be alone or feeling alone again on Christmas day, I hope ill have something else to be busy, so at least I'll be doing something different for that time, forget everyone, who i care so much but I am disregarded. Somehow, someday when I get out, I won't be coming back here. I don't want to live here.
But I don't have anywhere else to go... I'm thinking about moving out again, change my phone number, cut all the communication I got at the moment, but I don't know if I can.
If I moved there, I wouldn't have ANY human interaction, period. Is it a bad thing though? I don't know. I guess time will tell.
I don't mind not having friends at all, I just don't like to be excluded from what few friends I have left, if I can even still call them friends.
I just wish that I at least had someone special to share my solitude with, you know? Like... if both of us had no friends but each other... I'd be okay with that, if she was. But I haven't found her yet.
Hopefully someday, she'll magically show up on my doorstep on a cold rainy night and we'll live happily ever after with each other. Yeah, it's not just girls who have fantastical ideas like that...
As of now, I'm stuck here listening to the idiots screaming in the youtube. I can't do anything about it. I hope I get a good dream tonight. I really cant sleep tonight and it was almost 1:00 am, i tried to call but i cant reach her, anyway im tired perhaps i should forget about everything and have a good sleep. nobody will listen and care.
i dont care what kind of a post i have tonight, i guess im not in the mood to proofread it.
My mood: 6.9/10.
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