i've got no other choice

day 121

Everything fell into place this morning. I woke up and for some reason I had all of this determination. However, Yesterday was the start of planning new things. I should plan ahead bcuz I predicted that i will be back here where my work lies, i've got no other choice to make. But i felt it's nice to think that I will be back next year to where I live alone, perhaps I need to be alone. sigh...! I gotta lot of things to accomplish and yet to put the right things in place. i need to breath... just need to be sure that i am ready to let go everything what i am holding now. anyway i cant tell at the moment that my plans was a mess up, i need to see the outcome first. so far i still gain control of what went into but if  somethings goes wrong, well i should consider it's a mess up rules, it means that's not beyond my control. I hope i can hold it till next year, gotta lot of times to wait.

well I don’t know why I always felt like everything in my life is falling apart... when everything crashes, your self-control kicks in? That's what I think happened to me today. Sometimes my spirit gives up, I lost control of every aspect of my life if I think of it every day. Yet, I haven't allowed myself to hit onto the ground again. It will not gonna happen again.

now I feel alright. I know every things gonna be alright. Right now, I think that's all that counts. I should think for a positive one and feel the difference, and as long as I feel it... I can dream of it and believe it will happen, and believe I will achieve it.

Right now, I should wait patiently. I know I can't get around all that well by now, there’s a wall blocking my way at the moment and I cannott see the clearer vision what will gonna happen in the next very day. And I should wait, somehow I will get back on my feet if my time comes. I think I just need to take it easy. I let this overcome me while I am fighting for my freedom. Nothing could ever change my mind.

my mood: 5.5/10.