Day 141
Oh, I actually woke up this morning slightly excited about the holiday because I’ve got offline messages from my friends who knows me well, and a wonderful lifting inspirational words from my best friend, anyway she’s hot. And I am happy she was my best friend. she’s the best. However, I got up, went to shower and I even found myself singing Christmas songs at some points of the day.
But, I realize I had fooled myself into something that wasn't reality, how could I ever enjoy Christmas if I am alone and I will go home late night this very day “Christmas”. I wish that i have a huge Christmas dinner tonight, but I know I can’t. I wish i would have a family Christmas meal with my family or to the one I love, i hope I can find away to forget this thought of mine. it so stressing thought. Damn it! I miss the smell of the ham came out of the oven, I miss the juicy taste at first bite, but how?! I am alone?! if I thought about it. CRAZY! I always have empty place setting... with no one in it.
Feelings of disappointment and anger came through me, why I always wasting my time here. I was feeling hurt because I just expected myself to "wanna be there" with them or with her on this holiday, but it seems I have to count more years before it happens, I should better came up something new in life that it would made me feel okay. I really hate the reality why the world has hit me and I know the pain I felt, it’s all on my own fears, I always live in the past. I'm shocked that I had really convinced myself that I will gonna be happy for some sort of things, that I had thought from the past and the thought from the future that it might be work, but only the disappointment thing I’d earned so far. So, now I'm pissed off of everything, I know, I know the pain inside will not goes off. I don't even know why and I KNOW it's completely unfair and silly of me. However, that's just the frame of mind I've been in lately. I think I'm going crazy today.
Anyway, If I'm at work, I can forget everything, and I will trying to forget everything If I can. The mix odd feelings for christmas, SUCKS! I felt its quite stressing and it's squeezing my heart tight. i, perhaps, I just miss the old thing that I usually do, or I just missing someone to be with me at this very moment.
Merry Christmas to all! Enjoy the Party!
my mood: 6.0/10.
Oh, I actually woke up this morning slightly excited about the holiday because I’ve got offline messages from my friends who knows me well, and a wonderful lifting inspirational words from my best friend, anyway she’s hot. And I am happy she was my best friend. she’s the best. However, I got up, went to shower and I even found myself singing Christmas songs at some points of the day.
But, I realize I had fooled myself into something that wasn't reality, how could I ever enjoy Christmas if I am alone and I will go home late night this very day “Christmas”. I wish that i have a huge Christmas dinner tonight, but I know I can’t. I wish i would have a family Christmas meal with my family or to the one I love, i hope I can find away to forget this thought of mine. it so stressing thought. Damn it! I miss the smell of the ham came out of the oven, I miss the juicy taste at first bite, but how?! I am alone?! if I thought about it. CRAZY! I always have empty place setting... with no one in it.
Feelings of disappointment and anger came through me, why I always wasting my time here. I was feeling hurt because I just expected myself to "wanna be there" with them or with her on this holiday, but it seems I have to count more years before it happens, I should better came up something new in life that it would made me feel okay. I really hate the reality why the world has hit me and I know the pain I felt, it’s all on my own fears, I always live in the past. I'm shocked that I had really convinced myself that I will gonna be happy for some sort of things, that I had thought from the past and the thought from the future that it might be work, but only the disappointment thing I’d earned so far. So, now I'm pissed off of everything, I know, I know the pain inside will not goes off. I don't even know why and I KNOW it's completely unfair and silly of me. However, that's just the frame of mind I've been in lately. I think I'm going crazy today.
Anyway, If I'm at work, I can forget everything, and I will trying to forget everything If I can. The mix odd feelings for christmas, SUCKS! I felt its quite stressing and it's squeezing my heart tight. i, perhaps, I just miss the old thing that I usually do, or I just missing someone to be with me at this very moment.
Merry Christmas to all! Enjoy the Party!
my mood: 6.0/10.
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1 comments:
Merry Christmas to you! This time of year we are celebrating the birth of a child long time ago who went on earth to be with us and redeemed us from sin to be with Him in heaven.
We celebrate it with our family, or friends, or loveones. It will be nice to celebrate it with them of course. And it is is a way of having get together as well on christmas day. Wherever you are you can celebrate remembering Gods love and His sacrifice on the cross to give us an everlasting life with Him.
Hoping we will celebrated Christmas together soon.
Enjoy the day!!!
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