Monday, August 31, 2009

I lie awake

Monday, August 31, 2009

Day 28

Today is another day of my countdown, I miss the fragrance smell of my morning hot coffee, I want to taste and to smell the scent of my hot coffee every morning. One sip of it makes my heart feels warm and relaxing. But you know I’m not having a good sleep 2 nights in a row, I don’t know why but it just happen.

However, when I lie awake at night and I wonder if she is dreaming sweetly or if she is afraid to fall asleep because she is lonely and longing to be held with me or sometimes when i close my eyes and I saw her in her couch sleeping…, I wonder if she's dreaming of me? how i wish she could...

There was a time I stare into the distance and I try to imagine where she is at that very second. who she's with? what she’s doing? I wonder if she’s smiling when she remember me? I hope she’s not thinking about the bills she has.

Sometimes at night I can't sleep because I wonder if she’s sad or I upset her on chat, I am worried, I love her so much. I move and I turn because I wish that I could touch her slightly, if only to let her know that she is not alone in the universe. I love to hold her in my arms so that she will feel safe and warm. far away from the cruelty of a bitter existence in the cold and lonely world.

I want to feel the beating of her heart against my palm to know that right there within her heart beats I am always there to the purest and truest love in the world. but sometimes I find myself breaking down because I can feel that she is hurting and I can't be there beside her to stop the pain. I feel helpless.

One wish. One hope. One chance. I would hold her hands and with my every being I would bring her home to me. just stay with me, stay focus. I will be with you soon.

My mood: 7.1/10


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