the bad wind

Midnight

Day 54

September 26 2009, 1:27am. Today was another day in living hell at myside. So apparently the team from volleyball game was lost last night. We’ve got 2-2 standing and I am not happy cause I didn’t played well.

After the game I went home, my mood was not okay not only for the game, but also for a memories from the past that I remembered while i'm playing at court, the bad wind passed on my head…. I am really sick of it, I’m tired, every time does happened. Don't ask how it happens, just the bad wind went on my mood that it goes to hell slowly. maybe I was just stuck in my own little world from the past.

So anyway, I really hate what everything my little brain can think of. I'm not going to say the details words by words, because it would not help me anyway, if you know what I mean. it just really hurt as bad as they would have about a couples month ago.

I should better stay away from it, not to think of it. I have to move on or not to fallow what my mind tells me about. I just sits and keep quite. And I should sorry for myself cause I might have been used or I have been played.

I say it's not ok and then actually I should not talk about it anymore, I should learn to forget it. I just start off talking about small stuff. because it hurts me a lot when we started to talked about anything that it will headed on the cruel love that she had done to me from the past, I really curse myself, I been paranoid. I should freeze up.

she says it's ok, I should better accept it, and forget about it. It’s so easy to say but it’s very difficult to work for it.

My mood: 6.9