Awake

Day 89

I’ve been waiting all night for the internet to go back online, but I’ve been disappoint, it was goes on and off, and last night was the hardest thing because I woke up from time to time but still I couldn’t connect to it. it’s terrible thing and I missed her a lot, I didn’t see her last night before I was passed out.

I was going mad with my worries, I felt panic, my chest was squeezing hard, it’s all most 3:00am in the morning. I thought to call her but i am guessing that she’s not arrived at home yet or having some rest at that time. it’s not normal every Saturday, feeling alone and heart sad. I take care of my mood not to felt this way because it’s so tiring emo, it’s terrible, I really don’t want to feel this way all the time.

rolling over, to the left, to the right anywhere on my bed of course that turns into hours idle time and I am still awake, and I got less time to sleep, I got to wake up early morning to go to work, it stressful morning. I felt afraid but I just prayed to ease my uncertainties off in my mind, It was really hard to sleep when you doesn’t feel alright. why it make me sad all over again if I am not even going to take a lil bit of my time to talk to her, I guess I should live it all behind, I should need to rest off my mind.

I miss her so much and then the process starts all over me panic, worries and afraid for every Thursday, Friday and Saturday it wasn’t normal. it comes automatic.

When i finally get ok? what to do? i guess not to sleep again? and just lay here awake every saturday?

when it will be over?

My mood: 3.5/10