Monday, November 30, 2009

I must cool down

Monday, November 30, 2009
Day 117

For the first time in the short history that I was created with myself, if i could call back my time, I actually don't want to be here, I don’t want it to happen.

I got this strange revelation. I was at work, and usually I would be thinking and daydreaming someone who’s special next to my heart, I just don't want to, I just need to cool down.

Still, I keep having twangs of guilt and regret for my thoughts - but I'm being strong this time. I have willpower and a sense of self worth now. I am worth much more than this. I deserve to be loved just as I love. I will not give my love away for free no more. Not anymore. It's just how I roll every night if I couldn’t sleep, thinking for someone never thinks of me.

I need to be inspired, one needs to encapsulate my desires and imagination to keep me interested, for something that worth doing.

it seems like there’s a brick wall between the line now - and I couldn't be bothered to climb over it anymore. Yes, because it hurts too much to keep on keeping on with this, but also out of "I couldn't be fucked" anymore syndrome.

How long can one continue to cry to a wall that won't listen?

I can't do it anymore... I must cool down..

My mood: 3.5/10.


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