Depression

I can't take the pain any longer, nothing good is happening!!!!! Even if I try to find it myself, it doesn't work, when I pray to the lord, it does no use, it's not fair, not fair that the pain I have been feeling inside is now officially depression, I don't know I am scared, perhaps i may not make it to age 40, I am shaking just writing this blog and my mood status goes down quickly...

It's not just about moving away from all of the friends I CARE about so DEEPLY, it’s her who eats my solemn thought every night, it is me to blame not her, i didn’t do anything wrong but why I deserved this?,

I can't take this no more, I am seriously having depression thoughts and it's NOT getting better, it seems like there’s no easy way out? Is it? I don't know, I know the effects it brings to my family specially to my mom, to myself and my friends..

my friends? What would they think if they found out I am dead? I see all their reactions in my head, the sadness, mixed in with grief and pain... it’s weird and scary thought.

Love fell apart, feelings of guilt, pain, depression fill the spot where my love one should fill, I am now crying, but I am sick and tired of those hideous feelings I want to be in heaven, can't afford to make any mistakes, I am a mistake, I am horrid, I am nothing anymore, I used to have it all, but now it came tumbling down like the cruel walls....

My mood: 6.0/10