Up and Down

Today I had a mental breakdown. My eyes burn so bad. One reason is because there dry and the other is this damn computer screen.

Today I hate myself. I mean I'm trying, and I'm changing slowly. I improved myself a whole lot this month and last. But it takes time to heal. So I'm not going to be perfect and pretend that everything is okay, because really its not. At least not today.

I don't understand. . I'm so up and down. Up and fucking down. Its so annoying. Like literally I can be happy one minute and crying for the next. I don't understand. I wonder how long today I'm going to stay up.

I'm so like braking down to little pieces so slowly, please help me how to cope with all of this feelings i felt. I'm not getting the right sleep I need. I'm not eating the right food, im not eating for 3 days. I'm paranoid about a lot of stuff.

I just, . . . I don't know how long I can take it anymore. I just want to be permanently happy!!! its like a quest for never ending happiness, We all deserve to be happy in our very own way.