It hurts that it seems

Every time I am having talk to her, I feel like I am crying but I won’t let it go. I don’t wanna see em am weak but who will see it? She doesn’t care, I believed.

Every time I look at her face i wanna break down and cry because she's not with me, I’m miles apart, living across the sea, a place that it seems to me I am living dead. She never knew what love was I felt for her. It hurts that it seems sometimes she's ignoring me. I know I’m over reacting to myself or I’m over focusing to her. 

But when will it go away? When will my heart stop hurting me? When Will I ever look in her face and feel her, cuddle, or even just touch her? She makes me feel weak somehow, and I hate myself that I couldn’t stop to love her. 

I need to relax, I need to think something else otherwise I will not completely finish my contract. I’m damn dead.