God has it own time to do his precious work

It is almost three o'clock in the morning! I'm always up around this time and getting ready to work. I don't know what’s wrong with me. But things have been okay with me, which is good so far. And I'm really trying to stay positive.

I've been crying a lot. But it's okay. Nobody has hurt me or made me sad. I was just going through some changes with myself, good changes because I live in fear of myself my whole life. Just afraid of saying it's okay, afraid to do things. Afraid not to worry or afraid to think of something else. It may sound all weird, and I'm sorry if it does.

I'm also a little paranoid. OKAY, MAYBE A LOT PARANOID. Why? I really don't know. I'm just afraid of everything that happens. But like what my mom said I can’t control bad things to happen. They just happen. And that’s what I'm afraid of because It won't be able to control it.

I called my mom and finally talked to her, and she's okay. Anyway, and now It felt so good it brought tears into my eyes, because i told her all my problems, I just want to let go of my emotions and she said "it's not my time yet, God has it own time to do his precious work". just be patient the time will come.

I thought she might hated me. I just missed talking to her, mom is always a mom. She’s like a grumpy sometimes but she can be sweet and outgoing, funny when she wants.