i have been forgotten

Night is comin’ over me, I found myself thinking alot and it's happening right now, I am just staring at my T.V.


Well, to be honest, I am now staring at my laptop screen and starting to do some bloggings, yet I am staring also in my T.V but my mind wasn’t there.


And now, I feel my heart is empty, helpless and loveless. it is easy to think that everyone else must have been happier than me. I have had to try very hard not to harm myself for the last couple of days.

but still I always feel the pain knowing that she might do it again. i always try to convince myself to be relaxed and of course, calm down. but i found out that am still empty, nobody cares, and i have been forgotten.

I am not eating, if am upset and down, or sometimes i cut my hair shorter bacause its the easiest way to harm myself. Its the only thing I can control myself. there are times my mind is floating in the dark mid air, flying empty and stunned. so right now, I am controlling not to hurt myself. i should learn to know how to take care of myself, indeed. I need to let go of it, leave and turn back on it. because she doesn’t care, i should not care! just DONT CARE! just leave and let go.

Life is too short and hard. bloody hell, I am sick of it. I haven’t got a fight left to come. Angels trying to hug me to make me feel better and I just want to think that I don’t want anybody to touch me. I don’t want to feel people cares for me. It's easier to think they don’t exist, because at least then it doesn’t hurt me so much, that this shit keeps happening to me.

Life would be easier without people knowing it. Anyway, I wouldn’t be such a Fucked up person if it wasn’t for my mistakes.


i can’t stop thinking about it, i really hate myself. i Want to lock up myself away somewhere….. until I just disappear.


I’m tired....