Will you let me leave?

here i am, my head baffles me again, but i shouldn’t think about it coz I am tired now. Am broken down to my knees. I am the only one. I can’t do it all alone by myself. But that’s not the real problem here.

The culprit is that stupid wall that separates us. The one that shuts me in and hides me away from the world. As long as I stay here, nobody will never see how much it really hurts, how often I’m really let down, how drained they can make me.

I worked so hard to build it and apparently, I am quite the brick layer…I have yet to see anyone loosen a single little piece. Why did I do it? Build it that way, plan that way? It was the only thing I could do to make it day today. You’ll never understand the extent of the things I’ve been through.

And I really don’t care to get into it because it would be harder for me. But I am exhausted. I can’t keep carrying any load and for her. …. .. I could use a little saving.

I am the keeper of my secrets. There are no windows where I live, so you can never peek through. I don’t want you to see. I don’t want you to know. I’m the one that has to be strong. I’m the one that my love one always depended on.

People don’t understand why my friends in the real world are generally 20+ years older than me. It is because I feel like I’ve been here for a thousand years. I’ve gone through my 33 years more than most of you will in a lifetime. It’s just been one of those days…with a couple hours of exceptions thrown in.

When I left work today I thought to myself, “If God really loved me, he’d let me go and take me home”. How pitiful. I am that tired.

I just want to go “home”.