I must cool down

Day 117

For the first time in the short history that I was created with myself, if i could call back my time, I actually don't want to be here, I don’t want it to happen.

I got this strange revelation. I was at work, and usually I would be thinking and daydreaming someone who’s special next to my heart, I just don't want to, I just need to cool down.

Still, I keep having twangs of guilt and regret for my thoughts - but I'm being strong this time. I have willpower and a sense of self worth now. I am worth much more than this. I deserve to be loved just as I love. I will not give my love away for free no more. Not anymore. It's just how I roll every night if I couldn’t sleep, thinking for someone never thinks of me.

I need to be inspired, one needs to encapsulate my desires and imagination to keep me interested, for something that worth doing.

it seems like there’s a brick wall between the line now - and I couldn't be bothered to climb over it anymore. Yes, because it hurts too much to keep on keeping on with this, but also out of "I couldn't be fucked" anymore syndrome.

How long can one continue to cry to a wall that won't listen?

I can't do it anymore... I must cool down..

My mood: 3.5/10.

Great love

Day - 116

THE GREAT LOVE

The way is too thight to get through

and It’s quite hard to get nearer to hold you

so many scary things bothers in my thought to unfold

the mind overwhelmed my thoughts, uncontrollable.

You never know how hard I try to fight just for the love every day I cried

and You’d never realize the extreme sincerity of my deep emotion for each tears will fall

yet my love is great

Without you my life would be end up nothing

I can’t breathe without you

I can’t live without you

you are my unseen strength, my greatest love

My life is meaningless, forbidden for what I’ve thought I would live

I hate my life without you,

I hate everything if I am alone forsaken.

But the only reason I am still here is you.

Your great love keep me alive

I never thought I’d needed anyone like you.

I never thought that you will love me but i am wrong

Now, I cannot leave you alone

I don’t want to leave you.

my fate is to live with you my mind, body, soul and spirit

Do you love me as well? Do you have faith in me?

do you believe that love is the greatest gift?

If I lose you I won’t let myself live this way. i'll not be here

If I lose you, I will break like a glass. i'll not be here

I can’t break free with myself steem

If I die at least I have you in my heart.

You are the only reason I’d live.

But For you i know it so easy.

I just hope you don’t leave me like most other people have done.

I know you know me better than anyone.

I know you appreciate and care for me.

I know you won’t leave me as soon as a better option comes along.

I know you have learned to love me for who I am.

I know we love.

its a great love

my mood: 2.5/10

Hard to answer

day 115

sometimes, I asked a lot of question in my mind but it seems that It's hard to answer the question 'What's wrong?' When nothings right.

my mood: 2.5/10.

damn! 2012

Day 114

Friday, wow! I feel i wasted my whole day, bcuz, I was slept all afternoon and I woke up around 7:30PM. anyway, i prepare my dinner but shit happened sometimes, I didn't finish what I was cooking bcuz I’ve gotta short of condiments or additive. so I went outside then i ate at the restaurant, then I walked back at my apartment, next i took a warm bath and again hooked in the internet and nothing found interesting… then at this moment i am watching 2012 Movies at my laptop and I am drinking Pepsi at my side.. I waited Marivic to get online unfortunately he was busy at work, but I will just stay here till she’s coming back home...

next at this very moment, half way of the movie, i started to feel emotional again, damn! 2012 movie, the world is not gonna end yet! warning! dont watch this movie if you are not ready to face the end of the world yet....however, so sad to say that I am realizing i miss her so much. i can't help it. I love her so much. i know this for a fact. i am realizing the time I had spent with her when we are together and i miss her so much every day, I always wake up thinking about her. dreaming that i just want her back to me. Hoping that i just want all of it back everything, from the moment we have been together. I wish that i have a piece of 30 minutes to bring back the time how I felt her love to me.

my mood: 1.7/10.

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gifted bloggers

Day 113

Today is the first day of nine days holiday’s here in the arab country, and I slept all day.. resting cause I found myself tired working eight hours a day for the whole week, boring... but that’s the way it used to be. Because, there’s no other place to enjoy yourself here, you should live by the rules. So far internet is my gate way of my enjoyment and doing my personal blogs, make fun online. going outside a bit and walked for a change, watching new arrival DVD movies. And that is the way how I finished my everyday living.

however, I've been around, visited other bloggers profiles and blog posting. reading, commenting, and oh gosh, some of them have hundreds and hundreds of comments in one posting. I wonder, how do they do that? How can they get these great stories to blog about? Maybe I'm the one boring, not everyone else. But, I am funny enough, but my blogs quite boring.

yet I like excitement too. I'm pretty much neutral, but my whole life often consists of boring stuff anyway. These bloggers, or as I call them, gifted Bloggers, can top awards if this world's got awards for best blogger of the year or something like that. Being a gifted bloggers must be fun. Actually, I kinda like having people comment on my postings, (even though this is not my first posting I've ever done, other’s always uncommented….shame…).

I guess I just did.... Does that make me an attention seeker? But I'll bet that everyone here wants someone to read their blogs and comment, or else they wouldn't have made a blog in the first place! anyway I know I don’t have the talent to blog, I'm just venting..

Hey! is there someone knows what to chose a good niche to post so each one who read my blogs would spark their ideas in their mind and then they will share it on my comment box?

I hope someone get my attention, and share there thoughts to me....

My mood: 1.5/10

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Happy thanksgiving!

Day 112

Well, Thanksgiving Day in the US tomorrow, so may you all find something to be thankful for....something to be hopeful about...something that brings you peace and joy, Chill out and be thankful. I just want to wish each and every one of you a Happy Thanksgiving...

Eat what you want and I Hope you can sit with a bottle of wine and find some time to just chill!, enjoy your family and friends. Have a great week, and enjoy.

May you all find something to be thankful for....something to be hopeful about...something that brings you peace.

happy monthly anniversary and Happy for Thanksgiving as well to my lovely wife..

my mood 1.2/10.

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good neighbor!

Day 111

Every night is not unusual to me for not getting online…., sucks! or I got disconnected often when I am surfing and sometimes my internet browser quality got stack up forever and crawling more slower than before….. jeez!. It’s hard but I’ve got no other options.

But anyway I am sorry my good neighbor! I just borrowing your internet signal again! Damn, been paying SR80.00 twice a month when I could have used yours! lol.

Seriously, though, staying off here is best, i’ve gotta browse multiple browser faster at any sites but you know i should not do it often because whatever threats come, I can't do anything about it. And, you know the electronic invasion of privacy will get you in jail?! It’s illegal! Every internet users knows it…. How much money in court? if anything does come along about I'll go to a lawyer and explain the situation and sue.

anyway, I will not set about to ruin my life, just for a temporary connection. But, that is life. I will do everything to find a way just to see her before I will go to sleep. it’s my life.

My mood: 1.5/10

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The beauty of love

day 110 - Sunday Scribblings #190 - Beauty

"Is there anything more beautiful than love?! “ the beauty of love is the greatest gift from supreme being, so If you are in love or something you feel love from your family and friends, just shout it out at my comments box “ I love you”, or if you just want to make me smile then you write 'Love You'.

well, for me it's a simple word with so many meanings. The beauty of Love can be tragic, happy, and sad. it is imperfect in some ways. but it is perfect for a person who knows how to love unconditionally and irrevocably.

I am just a normal individual person spreading the beauty of love, because i feel sometimes unloved and i want to see how many people love me back.

My mood: 2.9/10

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buying gifts and dresses

Day 109

My day started out okay, I guess. I woke up around 5:30 am. And I just laid in bed and watching her sleeping until about 5:45 am, I didn’t even notice that I would be late for my work, jeez. I was just laying there thinking, about how much my life has been changing through the past couple of months. It's crazy how it works and I am improving a lot these days, I have my life planned out.

I remember how when I was in vacation, with my baby, we decided that we were going to get engaged and then stay engaged for a while. After that in the third quarter of 2010 we were going to get married….. Wow. Amazing, but that was our plan. And I told her that she was doing great. because she has started buying some gifts and dresses. And the day was running so fast and it seems like as if we know for a fact that we were going to be together that long, sounds okay to me.

My mood: 1.9/10.

weird dream

Day 109

Today is Saturday first day of the week on Saudi. soo last night i had a weird dream, short but weird. i was near at the sea side. the golden bird flying heading near to her. i dreamed i was talking to my baby and i was saying to her, "Jeez, where have you been?! we need to stay in touch, we need to talk…. You’re kinda driving me crazy with your disappearing, you know!" i said in a jokingly kinda way and i laughed half way afterwards. the ship was about to leave, and i cant leave without her.

then i was looking at her waiting for her to say something like reason or about anything that will impress me (that’s how she is) but she was just staring at the ground seriously and wispered, "i have mix emotion..." then she left. i was standing there emotionless and then suddenly everything was getting dark around me, almost black… my smile was fade… then i woke up, I saw her at the webcam playing with the internet.

next I asked her, “what is wrong…. Are you okay?! ”. she said, “I am okay! i just can't sleep...” but literally almost felt a stab in my heart, I don’t want to see her worried and stressed, she’s having sleepless night for three succeeding days, so am afraid if something goes wrong with her. Anyway, I can’t control bad things happen. it’s not in my hand anymore. I’ll just wait and see how it’s going to be in its place.

My mood: 3.0/10.

All you need is love

day 108

All you need is love

by the beatles


Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.

Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.

Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game

It's easy.

There's nothing you can make that can't be made.

No one you can save that can't be saved.

Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you

in time - It's easy.


All you need is love, all you need is love,

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

Love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love, love.

All you need is love, all you need is love,

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

There's nothing you can know that isn't known.

Nothing you can see that isn't shown.

Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.

It's easy.


All you need is love, all you need is love,

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

All you need is love (all together now)

All you need is love (everybody)

All you need is love, love, love is all you need.

my mood: 2.9/10

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Greetings!

Day 107 - part - 2

Greetings! people around the globe! Sad to say that I really can’t leave my personal blogs, but I am happy bcuz I am back and i can’t stop my wonderful thoughts to flow and jot it down. I can’t stop my fingers to type for every details of my life. I want to leave a mark as I grow old. If i would look back i could read my past again as my reference, why and how was my life from the past I existed compare to my present life existence. however, I am happy that I created my own personal blog as my diary, and happy to let people read and put their input how could I manage my life on the right way.

So as I sat here all alone working for my new blog and thinking about my baby that is away right now, I know she loves to read my blogs and perhaps she’s worried about me, why I said good bye in my post. anyway, am just depressed, am out of my mind lately. Oh God I missed her a lot it’s hard being apart forever. all I want is to feel her arms around me and for her to kiss me... I hate that I cannot come to her, my room is empty, my life is empty without her. That’s the caused I am worried so much of my life perhaps I am afraid to live alone, Just like my heart is empty and hollow without her.

Today was just like any other day I got up late, made me some coffee and showered then I go to work as I usually do, drive to work and let the days pass in the long run.

My mood: 2.5/10

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I want you to know

:scheduled

day 107 - Repost

Dearest xxxxx,

Good day! Hi there, I hope you’re okay when you received my letter dated: 07 November 2009, I’m glad that you are happy with my letter that I sent, although you know that the paper I was using wasn’t good at the moment, but anyway I am thinking how to figure out for what kind of paper I will use to make it more gorgeous.

So far I don’t care what my paper I used looks like but what’s matter most is the content itself that counts. I am very happy if I can send a letter for you knowing that I put my heart on it while writing, I want you to be please somehow. I Believed that letters always catch your sympathy with the love and sincerity. I can’t truly hide my true feelings about you. in the sense that, I love you so much it takes. We know that were living so far away from each other. its killing me, but I know in my heart that we are doing the right thing. And, we were trying to get things straight so we can live forever and spend a lifetime together.

I don't want to lose you again, I already suffer for a month’s and I am already suffering for not seeing you and not holding you with me. I love you so much I always want to see you every day of my life. I want you to know that I love you from the deepest part of my heart.

My love for you is unconditional. The love for you is so strong and I have had in a long time. I just wish that there was another way that we could be together without living so far apart right at this time. I want you to know that I love you and always will, and there is nothing that will ever change how I feel about you. I love you.

Love always,

Wolverine

my mood: 2.5/10.

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handwriting

Day 106 – Re post

Dearest xxxxxxxxx,

I am laughing, coz you can’t read my handwriting. I’m ashamed for the first letter as I sent to you, its embarrassing. anyway I can do it in my computer but I insist, i want to do it with my own bear hands so you may think that I have done it with my whole hearted sympathy.

However, today is 25 October 2009 as I sit right here, thinking of you, and how you make my heart beat and how I am in love with you. I could never have thought that I would feel this way. You know all too well how surprising this is, I just love you so much. I don't know how it happened, and frankly I don't even care what it will caused me, I just want to love you and to be love by you. I'll love you forever and never leave you. You'll be in my arms again, I promise you.

This may start sounding like a poem, I know you will say it that… I don't know, but I will say it again and again; wow, perhaps it must be the rhythm of my heart that's calling your name. I just wanted to tell you, that you are my heart and my every thought I desire.

I love you with everything I have and you are mean more to me than this bright world. I miss you so much. You're probably sleeping now or you are at work at the moment, I will be glad if you feel happy if this my tiny letter will greet you. because In this little letter I'm pouring my heart how you mean the world to me…..and to be faithful and never leave you for the rest of my life.

I love you my angel. I'll hold you forever. you're the heart I treasure.

Love always
Wolverine

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good bye...

day 105 - part 2

Before I say anything I would like to express my sincere gratitude to all the people who have given me unfailing support, wether by their own comments, email or IMs. I have been deeply touched by the depth of heart here on my blogs, I have been truly blessed by the presence of some wonderful people in my life.

I want to thank everyone for the hand of friendship that was extended to me, the laughs, tears and thoughts.

Thank you!

my mode: error

signing off

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i hate myself

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The Oracle - 2012

Day 104- part 2 –Sunday scribblings - #189 - Oracle

I am following the dooms day 2012, as well as Nostradamus lost prophecies the oracle, i had a big talk about religion the other day at the DVD store. it started bcuz i brought up that movie that's coming out next month about 2012, so I am really wanted to watch how it really happens. So i had told the man, selling Dvd’s i really wanted to see it and when i explained to him what it was about he was like no, that's not gonna happen.

something big might happen in 2012 but it won't be the end of the world. he said there are signs in the Koran that let you know when the end is coming. he said yes, the end times have started but he didn't believe it would be 2012. he said one of the big signs of the end was that the sun will rise in the opposite direction then it usually does and i said well yeah, the whole big thing about 2012 is that the sun will be in the center of the galaxy so its thought that it will cause a bunch of different natural disasters and actually it makes sense to me that it could actually rise in the other direction. Anyway I don’t want to come on in details discussion it is not good to talk.

However, The expected end of the world catastrophe is coming on December 21st, 2012 at 11:11pm. Years ago that was in the far distant future. Now its right around the corner. What is it with that date that so many ancients prophesied that the world would end then?

2012 has been a superstition to be the "End of the World" in many cultures around the world. One of the major evidence to be found is from the writings of the Mayan culture. The Mayans were brilliant artist of studying astrology and predicting events around the world. For some reason their calendar seems to end in the year 2012 A.D. which has brought up many suspicions. Are you ready for a major catastrophic event if it was to happen in your local area or to your family?

But here's another side of the story most don't tell - The long-count calendar was one based upon the 26,000 year precession of Earth's axial wobble. They divided the 26,000 year processional cycle into 5 Ages of about 5,125 years each. This is the age which comes to an end 2012. This is not the end of their calendar any more than our calendar ends in 2007. In 2013, the next Age begins and will last 5,125 years in the same way that our Gregorian calendar will go to 2008. The Mayan calendar is further subdivided into tuns, baktuns, etc the same as we divide ours into months and weeks....

So as of now there is ZERO evidence that the ancient Maya predicted the end of the world in 2012. Because again the Mayan calendar does not END in 2012.

So is DOOMSDAY-2012 a fallacious construct, a projection of exploitative and under-informed writers? A huge publicity campaign has begun for Hollywood's 2012 catastrophe movie, to open November 13, 2009. Is this Hollywood appropriation of 2012 mere harmless entertainment? At the very least, this entertainment comes at a price, and that is: the complete and utter misrepresentation of what 2012 meant to the creators of the 2012 calendar.....

Is this just a scare tactic and another easy way to make $millions$....?

So now what............? Do we await to further find out hidden truths behind ancient calendars or writings carved into a cave wall?

Decide to run downstairs in our basements before 11:11pm with all our survival needs, or simply live as if you were to die tomorrow anyways........?

Better ask the oracle.

my mood: 2.5/10

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change

Day 104

nobody can force someone to change... I tried to change many times but I think even myself it’s very difficult to alter my personal habit or what I usually do. perhaps it’s in my genes attached. I’m thinking about changes the other day. I know I did some bad stuff (i were not gonna tell it in details... it's a long story).

Well, anyways... i likes who am i right now, and i knows that i make wrong decisions to that point that i couldn't control it... that led to a bad result in my life.

We are all unique in every way. We all have a choice... that's why we have free will. To be able to change, you have to want it. Sudden changes in our life is of course hard to deal with, specially the unexpected ones. But those changes happens for a reason... we might not know right away the reason, but we will, eventually. We all make mistakes... nobody is perfect! Through our mistakes we learn something... well, some of us might make the same mistake over and over... until the time comes, we'll realize those mistakes. I know that sometimes it's hard to avoid those mistakes... In fact we can't avoid it... not all of them.

In our journey we call "life" we encounter struggles. It's just a phase we go through..... That's just how life is. Imagine if our life is perfect... living is a perfect society, living in a perfect world... how will we know what's right from wrong.. Life will become boring. We won't have a purpose in living.

I read this quote somewhere "What you did yesterday is who you are, but what you do tomorrow, is who you will become" ...... it makes a lot sense. Our actions, our choices make us the person we are now. If you are struggling... you feel down coz your plan did not go how it's suppose to be... don't ask why and make it hard for yourself.. here's the answer and the only answer you should keep in mind... it's not for you coz God has a better plan for you. No matter what your religion is... believe and a little faith won't hurt you.

My mood:2.0/10.

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barrier

Day 103

It seems that I am facing in a wall now, I don’t know how to say it but I felt a barrier, I felt a gap for myself, it seems like a hard wall on my face that blocked me. I don’t know where to place my ass because honestly, i don’t want to stop what I regularly do, I am happy with it. I love the way it used to be but anyway I don’t want that only me would feel the happiness of course they are deserved to be happy too. I let them free. Although I know I am worried a lot, it’s my mistake, perhaps I’ve got reason.

by the way, I'm sorry if someone understood it in a wrong way, but perhaps it just me, I know it’s my mistake now, I will deal with it and I am sorry, very very sorry. Just give me a time to cut it slowly. damn it, hate it! but I will do it. I want them to be happy, life is too short to be unhappy.

and it seems Life has been a whole lot better for me lately, it’s almost a month that I am okay, Once I got out, I felt so much better. i Was tired of wondering what could be creeping around in the corners but, honestly, there is nothing there, lol. Sometimes you just have to wonder about being a paranoid crappy dumb ass. I think I am too paranoid.

I do tend to be paranoid, I always have. But, when you get to be an old man sometimes experiences in life make you that way. It's great to breathe a sigh of relief, lol.

It's warm, sunny and beautiful today.

just let the life flow, Life, it's great. God is great.

I have felt so much better, I have. It is amazing, lol.

my mood: 4.5/10.

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lets have a walk

Day 102 – part 2

I walked three rounds tonight in downtown, because I need to see something new in my eyes for a change, or I need to free my mind by walking on the street, feel the cold night air or something that if I am back into my room I am pretty tired and ready to lie down for a sleep and not to think much for something I know it will put me down forever. well, life goes on in the rough road, and it’s my fate, indeed... Yeah.. i have it, since then.

I still believe that life will not stop to move forward. Life is short to be unhappy. I am happy anyway, If you asked me… I walked with God and I prayed every day… (damn…, I am whining again…), I am old enough, I am tired, I’ve got my plans ahead, and I will not against the will of my father in heaven whatever he wants me to be I will stand, and i will walk on his own will and that is one thing I know for sure. I am happy, very very happy. If fuck things happen on the way, it’s okay. Life goes on in a certain way, each either rough or smooth. we can't avoid it..... just learn from your experience, perhaps you will gain a lesser pain.

however, let's go back to the mainstream, I am still in the process of doing something good, though that I should better go out there and explore the world by walking, doing exercise and by moving my body in healthy ways that help myself lose the pounds I earned, and I am very concerned about my body weight… ah, yeah, aside from that I need to feel the freedom on the outside world. And also you know like somewhat kinda losing the pounds if you walk three to four times in a row on the square type downtown, it’s not really a hard thing to do.

Walking is something I can do that I am free to be me and not worry what people think. You don't have to be a certain age, or color, or gender, or pretend, or anything, you don't have to be or say anything but what is you. You can speak your mind, or exert your feelings by walking, if your sad, walk. If your mad, walk, If your frustrated, walk.

So, I thought to share this passion of mine, a passion for God and a passion of walking.

My mood: 3.2/10

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life goes on

day 102

i dont know where i should put my self, but Life goes on, i should Laugh when i can, and accept everything what is done. i will keep my eyes closed and pretend it wasnt happen, life goes on.

Apologize when it should, and let go of what you can't change. i must love and Love deeply and forgive quickly, and dont complain, and shut your mouth off. let them do whatever they wanted to be, let them enjoy and feel free, what they loveth to be.

Take chances, give everything, and have no regrets. Life is too short to be unhappy. i have to take the good with the bad, smile when you're sad, remember what you had, remember what god gifts, and be satisfied and content. dont asked for anything that it wont for you. life goes on.

i will always forgive and i should learn from my mistakes. People change and things goes wrong, i will keep my eyes closed and stitch my damn mouth. and dont say anything, let them feel that they are free. dont ever ever crossed there path, because you will end up their anemy, they just get irrirated quickly and you will be blame.

always remember... LIFE GOES ON!

i should not pushed myself that it wasnt for me. god has a better plan for me. just let life goes on.

my mood: 5.0/10

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Friday the 13th

Day 101

I don’t have much to say, but i must take care especially today, today is Friday the 13th, Sometimes we know Everything seemed to be going well, till about half way through our last day, we expected the unexpected. Friday the 13th is here once more, we never knew things gonna happen and things can go astray walking under ladders in our life could be difficult, we can say it’s not really easy.

anyway, I am not a believer of Friday the 13th superstitious stuff, it just another urban story. but even though i am not a believer, i always put in mind that accident could happen to anyone, so we should take care when we're out there or mishap will get to you or to anybody. what a superstition huh! its a crap, don’t bother yourself about it, agree or not agree we should keep our self safe and alive and live happy.

we can say that any day we don’t know our luck, it just the weirdest day on the dark misty mysterious Friday the 13th. bad day could happen to any body. your just unlucky when it comes to you.

My mood: 1.3/10.

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Diagnostic Computer

Day 100

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack says to Mike behind him, "Ya know, my damn elbow hurts like hell! I guess I better see a doctor."

"Listen my friend, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies. "There's a diagnostic computer at the drugstore at the corner. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It only takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars...a hell of a lot cheaper than a doctor!"

So Jack deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to the drugstore. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. WOW! AWESOME! He is blown away!

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. Hmmmm.........so he proceeds to mix some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and masturbated into the mixture for good measure!

Jack hurries back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer.

5. And, if you don't stop playing with yourself, your damn elbow will never get better!

Note: i found this joke is something funny for me so i stole it.. this is not mine.

My mood: 1.5/10

The interview

Day 99 – part 2 Sunday scribblings #188 - Interview

I turned around one last time to take a look in the mirror. This is the first job interview and I am nervous to the point of shaking; every hair has to be in place. i stands in front of the long mirror above the sinks, watching my appearance. then, I went back to the reception, waiting for my name to be called.

The interviewer looked up from the resume and she asked, "Jeremy?" I nodded. "Sit down Jeremy." The interviewer motioned to a leather armchair in front of his desk . "can I call you jerry. My cousin’s named is Jeremy, and he likes to be called jerry."

"it’s fine, if you love to call me jerry," I said.

"I see," she replied. she looked back down at the resume.

“well, jerry you didn't mention what college you attended. “ she asked.

“is it required?” I said.

“of course, if you need the job.” She replied.

”Why?“ I asked.

“ Don't ask questions. That's how the system works. “ she clarify.

“Why does it matter? I'm applying for... “ she interrupted me…

“Don't ask questions. “ irritated.

“ It's a college in Mindanao. I only came to Manila just a few months.”

“ The college's name, Mr. Jerry.” She asked, with a high tone.

“Mindanao College of abbu sayyaf” I said.

“I've never heard about it. Are there...” she said.

“darling, It's in Mindanao, you know... with abu sayyaf on the hood..” my voice was a bit rude.

“any people still waiting outside?” she punched a button on the speaker-phone

“But I can show you my grades... or a sample of my work... or.. just give me a try…” i speak with a low tone.

“please bring the next applicant please “ talking to speaker phone.

“I can get some more information about the college, or... “ i continued, but she cut it.

“don’t let them wait please, where is the next applicant?!” she shouted.

“ I can call my college dean department “ my voice was harsh.

“This interview is over. You need a college to get the job.” shouting.

“ To be a Dishwasher? “ grrrrr.

I turned back and headed to the main door, I am upset, really, really upset.

"Madam, you don’t know how much this job means to me" i reached at the back of my pants, I pulled out a .357 Magnum and aimed it steadily at his forehead. "You will give me the job, Or I will pull the trigger?!” I am cool and smiling gracefully.

she smiled broadly showing her teeth. "I like your style, Jeremy. Congratulations. she leaned forward and hit the button on the speaker-phone. "Karen, politely tell the other prospective to fuck off. We have our man."

my mood: 1.9/10.

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