Thursday, October 22, 2009

bad arguments

Thursday, October 22, 2009
Day 78 - part 2

I wish that I didn’t go home after work. If I know that we will having some arguments about something that it made me mad, perhaps it will change the timeline if i would rather decided to stay up late to work.

I do feel we are doing a little better, but it's still hard for me if sometimes my stupid minds thinks some unnatural that made me upset, or something that depression haunts me anytime, everywhere, whatever.. it kills me. she always kissed me before and after going to bed daily, and somehow it did mean a big things to me or something. I hope it only gets better and not getting worse.

I've been having awful thoughts, the past haunts me down. Moving out it’s not an option and seriously considering who I could live for awhile, it’s not a better choice, although if I think about it, it’s not available here in Saudi Arabia the pleasure that made us satisfied. Anyway i would rather not to keep it in my thoughts. It is a sinful way of living.

It's come down to me even possibly thinking about having an affair if I have to, it’s not my work of art. Not that I ever would, because it's SO wrong and I don't know if I'd ever forgive myself, but I just think it's that bad that it even runs through my mind. I am not going at it.

Of course I am just human being, If I wanna get off, I want to fuck. I also need the kissing and touching and slapping of the ass. You know? I don't feel right having such thoughts running through my mind, but I can't help it. Especially when my beloved Marivic cuddles me…its awesome.

I would understand even the simplest touch would mean so much. I don’t want her to be confused. I don’t want to feel distant to her. even if she was pushing me away..i will always stay with her unless she will tell me that she don’t love me anymore. and I don’t want to end it that way, I don’t want it to be happen, I grieve my spirit! I should used to care more and care if she cry and i apologize if I made her cry. I care a lot, I love a lot, I don’t want that feeling being thrown out at the window. I can't live without her.

At last, good night… I’m sorry for the bad arguments tonight.. I hope you will stay the same..sleep well.

My mood: 3.2/10



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Our human mind is limited to understand everything whats is happening around us and can't understand the mystery and misery of life happening to us. Rather than thinking bad thoughts about it overe and over again and asking "why it did happened", remember it is not your fault why it did happened. Sometimes there are things beyond our control . No matter how bad the situation is, it is how we respond to it that counts. We can't changed the past but we can do somethings at presents to make it better for the future. I hope and pray you will find true happiness and peace of mind.
You are very precious and very special child of God that is why we can call Him Father.
Of course i will stay with you always. I stand by you now and forever.

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