Day 72
Yesterday I'm totally sucks, I watched my face in the mirror I can’t recognized myself anymore, I'm sad. I wash my face with cold water to wake up myself, I'm down. Perhaps cold water refreshes my spirit and my soul. I felt terribly tired and weak.
I know my emotion have been terribly depressed lately. am just so depressed. I decided to walked a bit at the town for half an hour, it probably my mood will shrink. Sometimes walked would probably help. i am standing at the street for a moment, watching the cars passed by, looking at the busy street, the night was getting late. then I thought to use my pills when I get back to my room, I just want to stop my mind to think the things that its upset me. I can’t figured it out, the gently cold wind in the night touches my skin. I walked back home, my hands in my pocket, walking heads down, and thinking why I am always down, down, down and nothing is going right. nothing is panning out. i feel so damn lost and sad i cannot put it into words.
I am about to sleep, I'm just found myself reading all the text messages that put me in pain, and perhaps I never thought that I have been complicated to other people specially to the person the one I love the most. maybe i am complicated and I am not aware for it, if that is the case.. I am sorry. I don’t know where to put myself right now, it’s quite complicated, i am tired of feeling this way, and i am ready and wanting to be happy and wake up to sunshine, not clouds and rain, and thunder. because that's all i feel inside. a deep storm inside of me that just is consistently putting a rain cloud over me. i really want to be happy. it is totally hitting my life in all and every aspect. But it won’t come into my mind about the cutting way of depression.
all the things that make me unhappy i literally have no control over. i cannot change anything right now, or better yet yesterday. i just do not have the power. i am definitely proud of myself for not self-harming, because i have had a couple strong urges, and i have overcome them. it just what a fucking rant only.
I'm strong, i have the will to survive. I know I am deserved to be happy.
My mood: 7.5/10
Yesterday I'm totally sucks, I watched my face in the mirror I can’t recognized myself anymore, I'm sad. I wash my face with cold water to wake up myself, I'm down. Perhaps cold water refreshes my spirit and my soul. I felt terribly tired and weak.
I know my emotion have been terribly depressed lately. am just so depressed. I decided to walked a bit at the town for half an hour, it probably my mood will shrink. Sometimes walked would probably help. i am standing at the street for a moment, watching the cars passed by, looking at the busy street, the night was getting late. then I thought to use my pills when I get back to my room, I just want to stop my mind to think the things that its upset me. I can’t figured it out, the gently cold wind in the night touches my skin. I walked back home, my hands in my pocket, walking heads down, and thinking why I am always down, down, down and nothing is going right. nothing is panning out. i feel so damn lost and sad i cannot put it into words.
I am about to sleep, I'm just found myself reading all the text messages that put me in pain, and perhaps I never thought that I have been complicated to other people specially to the person the one I love the most. maybe i am complicated and I am not aware for it, if that is the case.. I am sorry. I don’t know where to put myself right now, it’s quite complicated, i am tired of feeling this way, and i am ready and wanting to be happy and wake up to sunshine, not clouds and rain, and thunder. because that's all i feel inside. a deep storm inside of me that just is consistently putting a rain cloud over me. i really want to be happy. it is totally hitting my life in all and every aspect. But it won’t come into my mind about the cutting way of depression.
all the things that make me unhappy i literally have no control over. i cannot change anything right now, or better yet yesterday. i just do not have the power. i am definitely proud of myself for not self-harming, because i have had a couple strong urges, and i have overcome them. it just what a fucking rant only.
I'm strong, i have the will to survive. I know I am deserved to be happy.
My mood: 7.5/10
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