lowest point

Day 85

I woke up early, I can't sleep, I rolled to the left, I rolled to the right, I can't sleep, I woke up every time in the middle of the night, hoping to see her online, but I have been disappoint. My mind wasn’t stop thinking, worrying and pretty tired as well. I gotta sleepless night.

well I think it’s back again, the depression its fucking up my sleep, i can’t help it it’s like a drug for me, i can’t help it should i choose the pill all together so I sleep well but I didn’t take it. as i sit here at 05:36am and hear other people getting ready for work. i can’t help thinking all night. i should be asleep but I just can’t. now will i be awake for the whole day or will i have a chance going to sleep? And will i start think about my life again in again? Will I cry again asking myself to beg? But I couldn't stop my fate.

I just don’t want to sit here every day and watching the lowest point in my life, it seems like it plays all the time even more when the beast is around i can’t help thinking what have i done to her, I don’t understand. Did i made her think less or has she hated me. i can’t say to her because i don’t wont her to get upset or angry with me.

i love her so much and she means so much to me and we are married in spirit.

My mood 5.7/10.