shame

Day 82 – Part 3 - Sunday Scriblbings #186 -- Shame

I’m ashamed for the first letter as I sent to her, she laughed at it. and it’s so embarrassing. I can do it in my computer but I insist to do it with my own bare hands so she may think that I have done it with my whole hearted will. Of course I want to cure my hand writing problems but I don’t know how, I practice a lot of stroke every day, I know it will take time to see the improvement.

But anyhow if I am on the rush for taking notes, sometimes even me cannot read my own handwritings, I hate it. I have serious problems with my handwriting. I hate the sight of it, even my signature. It's awkward, ungainly, and inconsistent. This makes life hard. It’s not unusual for me to write dozens of drafts, even of a signature. And, of course, the more conscious I become of my writing, the harder it becomes to produce. I'm not happy to see it. I’ll do pretty much anything to avoid writing by hand. It's not that I want my handwriting to be beautiful, I just want it to look consistent.

I never really mastered any kind of stroke. My writing became large and clumsy, and I began to hate it. I started to avoid handwriting and use a word processor wherever possible, and lack of practice only made the situation worse. I've never felt I have a style that is my own. i never had a style.

This seems to be a rare problem, and it's one I feel rather ashamed of. It is serious, however. I get extremely distressed by my handwriting, and the problem is interfering with my job. I'd be hugely grateful for advice on how to tackle either or both aspects of it. im naturally right handed.